


Endurance

by Catherine256



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: AU, F/M, Friendship/Love, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:08:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catherine256/pseuds/Catherine256
Summary: The secret Claire kept for a long time is finally revealed, but there’s still a lot of things she can’t share with anyone, unless one person. Because he is a huge part of the situation she ended up in.
Relationships: Claire Browne & Neil Melendez, Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Comments: 142
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, my dear readers,
> 
> I just realised, this work was on my laptop for a few months, almost finished. Maybe, you guys find it rather good, but we’ll see. I really want to give you something right now, something special and great as I’m a little busy to complete my other work. And I’m sorry if there’re some typos in my work, let me know if it’s bad ones!
> 
> So, hope you’ll enjoy reading it:)
> 
> And I would be so grateful if you’ll share your thoughts on this in comments 💗

She’s rushing to the hospital almost bumping into some people in the parking lot and whispering sorry to everyone she hit accidentally. It’s precisely the day when all people just slowed down around her, like the world stopped for a moment and there’s no problems, and schedules, and hurries anymore. Well, for them, not for her.

And her breath’s taking away as she pushes an elevator button a few times nervously, dragging her feet and fixing her wild loose curls that reached her face on cheekbones and forehead. When she finally gets on her floor and runs to the locker room, her cheeks are heated and she’s inhaling with difficulty, leaning to her locker for a moment and closing her eyes.

 _There’s no time for it_ , she thinks.

She leaves her outer clothing and bag here and takes on her medical coat, having no time for looking in the mirror. Picking up her pace, she finally reaches the residents lounge and exhales as she notices that they haven't started yet.

“Hello, Claire,” Shaun greets her and gives her a chart with blood results.

“Hi, Shaun. Uh, and thanks for picking it up,” she tries to normalize her breath and studies the results of their patient’s blood work.

“You are welcome,” Shaun responds and takes a tablet. “Why are you late?” his hands clasps together.

“Overslept,” she responds quickly, dropping her body to the chair, still looking in the chart.

“You look really exhausted. Something’s happened?” Morgan says, examining her face.

Park gives her a concerning glance from the other side of the table, “Yeah, like... did you actually sleep at all?”

Claire exhales heavenly, instinctively putting her hand on her belly, “I’m fine, just couldn’t sleep till five thirty in the morning and then...”

Morgan’s eyebrows draw together as she gazes in shock at Claire, “What’s that?”

Misunderstandings take over Claire’s mind as she’s exchanging glances with Reznick, Park and Shaun.

“What?” Claire replies with a blank stare.

“Are you pregnant?” Park’s voice beats her suddenly and makes her a wake-up call.

“Huh?” She only can say, swallowing hard.

And then she realized what that's for. Her right hand still on her belly shows up in her tight black skirt that she didn’t wear to the hospital for the last few months. But today’s morning was an absolute disaster and she couldn’t even think about wearing something more loose in her exhausted state.

It’s so stupid how she got busted because of her clothing after so many weeks of successful hiding growing belly, that didn’t really start showing up until two and half months ago. She just didn’t want to tell anyone in the hospital until it’s not possible to hide it in some baggy clothes anymore.

But she wasn’t expecting it to happen that soon.

“You are pregnant, oh my God!” Morgan says, looking at her with a big-eyes expression.

Claire’s stiffen in the chair, glancing at all the residents' reaction, “I am.”

Morgan gasps overly dramatically, putting off her tablet and waiting for an explanation, but Claire just shakes her head and turns back to her chart, starting to talk with Shaun about upcoming surgery on their patient. He’s the only one who, she thinks, knew it from the beginning and doesn’t want to discuss it now because it’s all too obvious to him. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable. And she’s grateful for it.

“Claire, how... when... how long?” Morgan starts again.

“Twenty six weeks, Morgan. Should we really talk about it right now?” Claire tries to shout it down but Reznick isn’t ready to give up that easily in trying to know everything about this news.

“Of course we should!”

Seeing Claire’s irritating and starting to blurt something really offensive, Park’s rolling his eyes, “Morgan, calm down. It’s her business, if she’s not ready to speak out, then that’s it,” he throws a gaze to Claire again, “And congratulations, I guess,” soft wrinkles show up at the corners of his eyes and he squeezes her hand briefly.

Claire already wants to thank him but interrupts by a familiar voice that comes from behind her, “What’re congratulations about?”

Melendez makes his way to the table and leans on his hands to its surface. He looks over his residents, seeing frustrated Reznick, smiling Park, flushed Claire and excited Murphy, the former starts responding before everyone else could, “Claire is pregnant and Park congratulated her with that.”

His heart stops but then it starts beating as fast as it can. A weird sound, something between unsure scoff and clearing throat, comes out of Melendez’s mouth when he arches a smile on his face, looking over to Claire like he can’t believe it’s true. But then her radiant embarrassment and frustration meets him and his long face makes Morgan and Park frown. Neil shakes his head lightly, feeling that pause is too long and too loud right now, and makes himself look more calm, trying to decrease his heart race.

“That’s... ahem, big news. Congratulations, Claire,” he says finally.

“Yeah, thank you. But please, can we just go back to work?” She sounds beseechingly, ignoring his long gaze, and fixing her coat to hide her baby bump as much as she could.

“Sure,” he blinks a couple times to return his superior look. “Murphy and Browne, you are still with me. Park and Reznick, Andrews is waiting for you in patient’s ward 405, so hurry up.” They both stand immediately and walk out the door, but Claire can see Morgan’s hesitation as she looks at her through the glass walls. “Get results of blood work and tests?”

“Yes, she has an infection in her abdomen,” Shaun states, looking away with excitement.

“What should we do?” Melendez asks them, studying new scans.

“We have to remove infected tissue. But it’s concentrated on her uterus, right here,” Claire leans a little closer and points to the scan on a tablet in Melendez’s hands, “so there’s a chance we’re gonna perform a full hysterectomy to save her life,” she finishes her explanation.

“Yeah, I’m concerned about that low area too, but maybe we’ll be able to remove it with no harm or try to reconstruct it with a graft tissue this time,” attending proposes.

“This area looks small. If we carefully remove only infected tissue, then there’s gonna be minimal risk in reconstruction,” Murphy agrees calmly.

Even though Melendez couldn’t take his eyes off Claire after this news being announced, he still listened to both of them as they talked through the surgery that will be in a couple hours and some complications that might arise during it. And after quizzing them a little, Melendez approves the plan they came up with and leads them to the patient’s ward.

Claire feels him staring at her on the edge of her vision and even when he’s actually not, there’s a tension he radiates and, she swears, anyone around could sense it too. But she tries to pay no attention to that and the fact that a few people at the hospital know and soon everyone will. Because she’s still in her tight skirt and it’s easy to figure out what’s going on here.

Damn it. If she had her well sleep that night, she obviously didn’t get ready hurriedly and made sure it’s the right clothes she’s wearing for work. No one would still know about anything.

“Miss Clark, how are you feeling today?” Melendez approaches their patient’s bed as Shaun starts checking her vitals carefully and Claire reviews the scans that Melendez gave her.

“Nauseas a little. And this pain in my stomach,” she replies and Melendez pushes more painkillers immediately. “Thank you.”

“We have to do a surgery to remove all of the infected tissue from your uterus and some from your small intestine. So there’s a consent for a surgery, please, read it and if you have questions, please, ask us. We can plan it for today, in four hours, if you’ll agree on this,” Melendez explains, giving patient consent forms.

“You said uterus... Is it dangerous? I mean, will I be able to have a baby?” Olivia looks so concerned as her fingers tangle with sheets.

“If we just remove infected tissue, so yes, of course. But if there’s more segments that we can’t see on the scans it may cause your death and we have to do a full hysterectomy,” Claire’s voice sounds a bit guilty but she tries to smile. “Olivia, I’m sure it’s gonna be totally fine. Dr. Melendez is an excellent surgeon and Dr. Murphy has very special skills, especially when it comes to delicate procedures. But you should know all the risks, so you could be prepared. It’s a five percent chance we’ll have to do the last one. But we’ll do it the best way we can,” Claire tilts her head, replying boldly and compassionately. “Your chart says you did an artificial insemination, how long ago?”

“About a month ago, but it failed because of some sort of rejection. I was gonna do another procedure, but then I get here,” she shrugs. 

“Okay, but after the surgery you have to wait until full recovery to prevent any complications. It takes from six to eight weeks, then it’s safe to try again,” Claire explains and lowers the chart. “Maybe, you have other questions for us?”

She’s thinking for a few moments, “Um, is there a possibility to make it less invasive?”

Melendez leans to the railing of the patient's bed and speaks, “I don’t think so, Olivia. It’s a tricky area and starting it in a less invasive way, we may waste our time if there’s something more than we could see on the scans. Then there's a bigger chance there’s gonna be complications and we have to remove a bigger part of your uterus and small intestine.”

“Okay,” Olivia responds slowly. “Do it however you think it’s best. I trust you,” she nods and after signing consent gives it to Melendez.

“Dr. Murphy and Dr. Browne will come later and prep you,” he smiles a bit and then, ready to go away, stops. “Is there someone who’s gonna be there with you after surgery?”

“No, it’s only me,” she replies quickly.

Shaun stares at her with this strange faraway look, glancing for a second at Dr. Melendez and Claire, “Are you sure? Family, friends? We can call and explain everything if you want,” he says, gazing at her reaction.

“No, I don’t have any close ones,” she shrugs and Shaun nods, but apparently is not satisfied with her, which seems honest to others' answers.

“Then we make sure there’s enough people in the hospital to take care of you. Don’t worry about it,” Claire’s voice is soothing and assuring as a smile on her face is soft. And Olivia nods to her thankfully, fully agreeing with the doctor's response. 

As they’re leaving her ward, heading down the hallway to nurses’ station, Shaun clasps his hands together and says insightfully, “She doesn’t want to have people in her life, and yet she wants to have a baby on her own. She’s scared to remain alone.”

“Maybe, but you don’t know her. If she’s fine not to have close friends or family in her life, so be it,” Claire responds quickly and meets with the unsure gaze of Shaun. “And if she wants to have a baby on her own, then she will. That’s not a problem,” she blurts out a little too sharply and sighs. “I’ll fill her chart,” then retreats to the residents lounge, feeling a little irritated.

“I think she wasn’t talking about the patient,” Murphy turns back to see her leaving.

Melendez, who’s been watching them all that time, only shrugs and frowns, glancing at the fading silhouette of hers. This unintentionally snide comment of Shaun on their patient’s life seems like it hurt her. Now, Neil finally realized it; she’s gonna be a single mom and she thinks there’s no one around her to support.

 _But she’s wrong_ , he thinks.


	2. Chapter 2

Surgery went better than they could have expected, mostly because of their original plan to get a patient open from the beginning, without trying a less invasive procedure. That helps to notice necrotic tissue on her bowel, that they didn’t see on the scans because of the location. So successfully they removed all of the infected areas and left Olivia to rest in the ICU.

Claire rushes to go home as soon as Melendez allows all the residents to. She didn’t even change from her scrub, just collected her stuff from the locker and headed out quicker than everyone could catch her up and ask questions about her pregnancy.

When she still was in her morning clothes, nurses started gossiping around about Claire and stared at her, looking over her midsection to confirm what’s already obvious. Damn tight skirt. But then she quickly realized that if she took on her work scrub, then it covered her belly from all of this gazes. So she did. But everybody still was curious about this change in Claire Browne’s life.

She pretended not to see those looks, not to listen to those talks, not to feel this intense vibe around her when she spoke with nurses and doctors.

Claire needs to talk to Dr. Lim about everything tomorrow and assure her that it doesn’t change her residency, maybe only a little. She’s going to make sure her work and her still new personal life doesn’t cross in any way and her situation won’t prevent her career.

But for now she just wants to go home and be finally alone with nobody starring at her.

Neil worked in his office for two more hours, wasting his time on obsessive thoughts about Claire and her secret that was revealed this morning, before heading to his car to finally make it to his apartment. 

But eventually he freezes for a minute in his car, feeling his mind’s ready to blow and his body wants to give him up. He can’t stop thinking about how stupid he was to make it all happen. Their friendship isn’t that platonic as they thought. And it just became so clear to them with time that there was always something more.

His hands take a phone and type a quick text. He only realized what happened when he sent it to the person that has been taking over his thoughts for a long time now, but he tried to suppress it in his head and move on.

Only he couldn’t.

_Neil: Can I come over? I’d bring some takeout._

Then he hesitates and decides to add: _Only if you up to. And sorry if I woke you._

She read through his text immediately and after a couple of minutes, writing and deleting her response, she finally sent him a reply.

_Claire: Sure. I have insomnia anyway._

He feels relieved and starts driving to her place, knowing there's a small Italian restaurant on the way that she’s obsessed with. As he drives, his phone lights up again, revealing her latest message.

_Claire: Can you grab me pasta from that Italian place and some apples from the store, please? I ran out of it. If it’s okay?_

There’s a little traffic on his way and he used that time to respond to her quickly. _Of course. If you need anything else, I can take it too._

_Claire: No, that’s it. Thanks a lot._

_Neil: No problem. Be there in a few._

Claire puts off her phone to fill a glass of water and take some candies from her fridge. But then she hears buzzing again, only that was a call that time. Still pouring water, she grabs it and answers quickly.

“Wondering if I already want something else, huh?” She scoffs a little, but then freezes at the sound of not the voice she expected.

“Uh, Claire? It’s Morgan.”

Claire’s gasping due to an unexpected voice on the line.

“Oh-um, hi. Sorry, didn’t watch who’s calling,” Claire explains, slightly trembling and hoping Morgan doesn’t need to know who’s call she actually waited for. “What’s up?” Her decision to know what Reznick wants shifts their talk straight to the point.

“That’s what I want to ask you,” She sounds less frustrated than before that day. “How’s it even happened? Who’s the father?”

“Morgan...” Claire tries to stop this crazy questioning.

“Why did you keep it?” 

“Morgan...”

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

“Morgan, stop! My head’s ready to explode right now,” she cries out and takes her glass of water to make a sip. “What do you really want? Make fun of me? Yell? Talk me out of it? What?”

“I’m just worried about you. Can we talk? Preferably, quietly,” she offers, speaking more calmly. “I know, I’m not your closest person, but we are some kind of... friends. And I just want to know what’s going on?” Morgan explains and Claire can hear in her voice how she frowns.

“I don’t want to talk about what happened. I’m pregnant and there’s just me, that’s all you need to know.”

“Okay, that’s already something. Why didn’t you tell me before? Or anyone else?”

“At first, I was scared and not sure if I wanted to keep it. And then... I just realized that it’s better to hide it as long as I could and have my peace. I never planned to reveal it today and in the next month or maybe even two. I could’ve still hidden it successfully and no one minded my business, but now... Anyway, sooner or later it came out eventually.”

“Are you gonna talk to Lim?” There’s not a lot of examples when Morgan really worried about her. But now she is.

“I have to. Tomorrow, I think, because everybody in the hospital already knows. I can’t delay the talk anymore,” she eats a couple of candies and relaxes a bit, tasting it and not feeling like throwing up.

“That makes sense,” Morgan replies and starts walking back and forth as Claire can say, hearing steps and soft rustling of her clothes. “God, you’re really gonna be a mom!” Her voice sounds even slightly happy.

“Seems like I am. I truly am,” her hands find a roundness with her hands and rubs it gently, feeling her baby moving a little.

“You said it just happened, but, Claire, how? Have you started your pick up bar guys thing again?” She’s curious and sounds like she already thinks about how she gets all the information out of Claire.

“Ugh, no!” she denies with small irritation in her voice as she looks out the window in her kitchen and watches the nightly dark, peaceful neighborhood.

“Then who? Oh my god, is it that guy, widower? Dash!” She says too loud like she got it and Claire pulls away her phone for a second.

“Morgan! Stop guessing,” Claire shouts, feeling offended. She approaches the fridge and wants to eat something but doesn’t know what, exhaling and thinking.

“Don’t you say it’s Melendez, you guys were kinda close... and then something happened, huh?”

“What? Morgan, stop,” she squeezes the phone in her hand, feeling a little guilty about lying.

“Okay, okay, St. Claire, I get it. It’s just you now, then that’s it,” she suddenly backs off; Claire sighs too loud. “You know, Shaun told me what happened today. This little thing he noticed about the patient and said out loud... You’re not alone, Claire. We’re all here to help you if you need us,” she says sincerely.

Claire’s eyes get a little wet from her words and she replies gratefully, “Thank you, I guess?”

“Just don’t shut us down like you did before...” Reznick stops immediately, hearing a firm knocks on Claire’s door through the phone, “Are you waiting for somebody?” Morgan asks as Claire comes to the front door and opens it, silently meeting Melendez and motioning to him to make himself comfortable.

Claire’s voice changed immediately to the happy one, “Yeah, it’s... my late dinner delivery,” she puts a takeout bag on the kitchen table as Neil scoffs softly, looking at finally smiling Claire. He starts to unbox their food, rolling sleeves of his slightly crumpled white shirt. “Thanks for calling, Morgan, but I really want to eat, so...”

“Okay. See ya tomorrow, then. Bye,” she hangs up before Claire can realize it and puts away her phone.

“Morgan bothered you with questions, huh?” Neil grins to her as she rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, that's unbearable news for her. And I feel like this conversation is not over yet,” she approaches him and stands beside, smelling the food he brought and finding a bag of apples. “Oh, that all looks and smells amazing. Thank you,” she smiles.

“You’re welcome,” he smiles back.

“Here,” she gives him money, but he pushes it back.

“No-no, my treat,” Neil uses a chance to touch her and his fingers meet with the soft skin of her palm as he tries to pull it back and refuse her money.

“Take it, it’s only fair,” she insists and he hesitantly takes it, then returns to help with serving a table and placing pasta in bowls for them. “It’s a little hard to find out what I really want to eat recently, but tonight I’m just craving some pasta.”

She closes her eyes and licks her lips. He watches her with a long look, chuckling softly yet nervously and taking their bowls and forks to the living room. She gets a pizza box to the small table in her room and he goes back in the kitchen to take the tea she made.

“Well, it’s totally fine for you now, you know, to have cravings,” he nods to her baby bump.

“That’s not a bad one definitely. If the baby could only stop wanting me to eat whipped cream and drink tomato juice. Never thought it’s so good together, but I know after giving birth I’m gonna recall it with dread,” she laughs and makes herself comfortable on the couch beside Melendez, who also scoffs at her confession and starts their late meal.

Then his mood changes suddenly and he turns to look at her, frowning at her like-nothing-had-happened behavior, “Ah... When were you planning on telling me?”

Her hazel green eyes looked at him longer than she wanted, trying to make up her mind. But there’s no right answer for it, not even close, so she just blurts boldly, “I don’t know,” and turns away, poking in her food.

“But it’s mine, right?”

She nods, “I’m sorry you had to know this way. I just wasn’t sure about... everything. And it scares me, a lot. Not only in personal way, but also in professional. It’s driving me crazy thinking that it may affect our career and people’s judgment at work.”

“That’s why you stopped seeing me outside the hospital?”

“Yes and also because I don’t want to ruin your life. You work so hard to get where you are now. It frightens me that the board and Glassman and Lim might fire you if they guessed about us because of me and my choice to keep a baby. I just wanted to distance myself for a while. So there can be a chance they believe me that I’m just a single mom. And my residency will be over within two years. It’s easier this way,” she clarifies her actions, frowning and being scared that he might not understand what she just dumped on him.

And it’s really too much information. But she lived with it for the last few months, trying to save him and boiling in thoughts about her own future. Alone.

“You... really thought too much about it, about me, when I can handle it,” he shakes his head, seeing her gaze full of guilt. “Yes, we were friends and then just messed it up... but if you didn’t push me back and still told them you’re a single mom, there’s no evidence you’re lying,” he meets her a little guilty and terrified gaze.

“There was a complaint not so long ago,” she remembers.

“I know, but still... we proved that we had nothing inappropriate going on between us at the time. And if you remember, it was Morgan’s way to stay ahead of you and protect herself because of her hands,” he reminds her and her shoulders get down as she exhales; she’s just glad Morgan stopped being a complete competitive bitch after her hands surgery.

“I’m sorry I stopped seeing you so suddenly. Who would know it took us one time having sex to make a baby,” her voice’s cracked, but she tries to smile and he laughs softly.

“I am sorry, too, that I let all of it happen,” his head is tilted now as he leans on the back of the couch.

She places her empty bowl on the table and squeezes his hand lightly, “It’s okay. And it’s nice that you know and you’re not freaked out,” her curls fall on her chest as she scoffs and pulls a plaid on her shoulders. “Actually, you’re too calm for a man who’s friend and one night stand gets pregnant with his baby.”

“Well, at first I was,” he scoffs, “but then I just realize that it’s okay with me, actually. Because I am grateful, Claire,” he shrugs and smiles, seeing her surprised look of two deep green fields that her eyes are. “You know that I always wanted kids, even in this kinda messy situation between us, I want to be a part of it, if you let me.”

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea, Neil,” she boldly replies and sees a disappointment on his face but understanding, too, because he doesn't want to complicate an already complicated situation they are in. “I’m sorry, but... Well, we shouldn’t have to sleep together in the first place. It really may make things more difficult and I don’t need it. It’s better for me to do it alone,” she closes her eyes for a moment, shaking her head.

“I know, we screwed up, Claire. But I don’t want to push you, hell, I kinda did already...” he replies haphazardly, running his hand through his hair.

“It’s not only your fault, mine too.”

“Claire, I want to be your friend. And it means so much to me that you are carrying _our_ baby. I know you can handle it by yourself, but I-I just want to be there for you both.”

She gives him a long look and exhales, “Okay,” she agrees and he relaxes immensely. “Just... please, don’t tell anyone it’s yours and act like a mentor, not a baby daddy, deal?” She holds out a hand.

His confused chuckle makes a grin appear on her cute glowing face, “Deal,” he takes her hand and rubs a palm with his thumb, enjoying this little gesture he can do finally.

He has this idiotic smile, making her laugh and say some snide things about it. But he’s just happy. _She let him be a father of their child._


	3. Chapter 3

Somehow, it feels good to be around him again. A little awkward at first, but then it’s just happened to be the way it was before. They clicked again, she couldn’t stop thinking that it’s the easiest thing in her life – feel good around him. Feel needed, valuable. Better.

That night, with TV playing, they fell asleep on the couch after a few hours of eating this Italian food he brought, discussing their last case and watching documentary series about people’s mystical disappearances, strange murders and paranormal encounters that suddenly kept their eyes wide open through the all episodes. It reminded them of the difficult surgical cases where they just needed some clues to make it finished. Plus, watching this series they didn’t know it’s gonna be so interesting. There was this feeling of thrill and a little fear, adrenaline and wanting to know more and trying to find some clues by themself. That’s a guilty pleasure. But it helped to relax a bit and stay aside from their routine.

Early morning sunrise comes through the window she didn’t close with curtains and bits her in one side of her face as the other’s pressed to something warm and firm. She moans barely audible as her mind begs her to stay asleep and her hand covers her open face side from the light. But it doesn’t help. Her dream fades away and her body starts to get ready for awakening as the baby floats inside her gently, without kicking. And she strokes it slowly. 

Then someone’s lips placed a kiss on her forehead. It feels oddly fine. And her eyes sharply open.

Claire straightens her body and regrets at the same second, feeling its stiffness and soreness after a sleep in the couch in an uncomfortable position. She looks over the room and finally finds the someone who just kissed her in his sleep. He snuggles to the back of her couch, still sound asleep, and his position makes her sure she was snuggling to him that night because they just fell asleep after this intense yet relaxing and so interesting documentary they watched.

Her phone starts buzzing and she turns off her alarm, hearing Melendez starts tossing.

“Neil... Neil, you need to wake up, it’s six thirty already,” she whispers, gently touching his shoulder.

“Uh? Where...” his hands are moving around, trying to feel his phone but it’s not here; he wakes up too unexpectedly and his eyes take in surroundings until Claire sits beside him and watches. “Eh, hey... Sorry I fell asleep here, I was supposed to go home...”

“It’s okay. But we had to use the bed instead of the couch, my back is killing me now,” she stands, her left hand rests on her back.

He frowns, not understanding the whole thing, but then sits normally and sighs heavily, feeling it, “Ugh, okay, now I get it. The couch was a bad idea,” he stands too and starts to stretch his body, murmuring something to himself that makes her laugh lightly. “Don’t make fun of an old man, that really hurts,” Neil grins to her, pointing at his back, and notices she’s rubbing her lower back. “You okay?”

“Yeah, but I could use some yoga class today,” she admits and heads to the kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Yes, thank you,” she turns on a coffee machine and places two mugs near it. “So, yoga instead of running? I’ve missed you at the track since everything.”

“I miss outrunning you, too,” they both scoff.

“Outrunning me? You wish,” Neil replies and Claire rolls her eyes, pouring a coffee to them.

“Yoga classes are not bad, actually. And it helps me feel like it’s my body again.”

Neil takes his mug and starts sipping quickly and glares at her, sitting across the table with her cup of coffee, probably, the only one for today, slowly enjoying the taste and looking away.

“So... how’s it going?” He tilts his head a little, putting his empty cup on the table and she scoffs lightly at this haste.

“You mean the pregnancy?” He nods shortly, glancing at her still sleepy face. “It’s fine. Baby’s healthy as of the last appointment. So, yeah, everything’s great.”

“And you? Something’s hurt, bothering?”

“Not much. Insomnia, but last night was almost fine. Three hours of sleep are amazingly refreshing.”

That was true, she really looks better than the other day, the bags under her eyes gone, but her face still is a little tired.

“You should sleep more, you’re a surgeon. Talk to your doctor about drugs that could help.”

“I’ll do it,” she appreciates his concern and smiles softly.

He leaves her to it, because he has to stop by his place and change before work. It should make them come to work at a different time and that's necessary for them now. She knows he's gonna do everything to avoid any complications and awkwardness in their relationship, especially at work, because it’s her choice and he respects it.

And also she’s absolutely sure, he would do anything for her happiness and if it takes him to be only a good mentor and an attending most of the day, then he’ll be.

Today’s the most exciting and still a little boring and even annoying day for Claire. Well, not the annoying day, actually, but people. Staring, gossiping people; it’s disgusting, she thinks, trying concentrating on her work, not on them.

And that’s hard not only because of this unwanted attention, but also because how absent-minded she suddenly finds herself. It’s so confusing and embarrassing, because she just has to show her bosses that she’s okay and she can do anything and still can’t even remember her patient's ward number or leaves a chart somewhere on the way to residents’ lounge.

And it’s just a morning.

This time, Claire and Morgan work with Melendez on the case, which gives Morgan a lot of opportunities to try and make her talk about the latest huge news, but she just brushes it off.

As they are working on scans, Reznick turns to look at her with those piercing eyes and stands, “You know, truth comes out anyway, Browne. And maybe it’s better if you tell it to the board and HR.”

Claire lets out some choked scoff, “What’s that even supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” and just with that she walks out of the radiology room with just one last phrase, “Have to get results from the lab.”

And she suddenly gives up the whole need-to-know-everything thing by lunchtime, still glancing at this weird expression that makes Claire think that she might easily know somehow.

That’s just some stupid, obsessive thoughts, she tries to calm herself down and continue to work, feeling like she’s under the microscope.

And Claire finally speaks to Lim, who’s already aware of everything because of the rumors and obvious change in the resident’s appearance. Claire explained that it was a hard decision and she knows it’s gonna be difficult in the last months of her pregnancy and even more complicated when the baby’s born, but she’ll do her best not to affect the level of her education here.

“Dr. Browne, I know you will. It’s just not the thing I expected from you, that’s why I’m confused. Have you really thought everything through?” Lim leans with her forearms on the knees, sitting in front of Claire in the same comfy armchair as the resident.

“I think I am,” her sweaty palms run down her thighs, “but there’s still so much I don’t know how to handle. And I am scared, Dr. Lim. I know you told me already that I’m not supposed to tell it to my boss, but I don’t want to lie that everything’s fine,” she exhales, looking at the way Lim draws her eyebrows.

“I’m gonna keep it between us, Claire, don’t worry. And it’s okay to be scared,” Audrey’s nodding to Claire and she’s seemingly relieved with her answer. “Let’s discuss your schedule, then. From now on I want you to let your attending know how you are feeling, especially before surgeries. No lies there, because it’s the patient who might suffer if anything.”

“I understand that,” Claire responds, tangling her fingers together.

Lim lights up the tablet, “Okay, your next 36-hour shift starts in two days, if you’re up to it...”

“Of course, I am,” her big eyes look at Lim with willingness.

“Then I expect you to have a break for an hour every seven hours beside your lunchtimes. And I think it’s the last month you’re gonna be on the long shifts,” Lim makes some notes on the tablet, checking the resident's schedules.

“It’s not necessary, I’ll be able to make it through long shifts,” she tries to assure the chief of surgery, but she only tilts her head. “And I want to keep everything as it is, if it’s possible. I just want to get a well-rounded education like the others.”

“Claire, you get the same kind of education as other residents, don’t even worry about it. I’ll make sure, there’s not many changes in your residency. But I want you to be a little easy on yourself and think about your and the baby’s health, okay?”

“Okay, but you already let me have those breaks on my long shifts, it’s more than enough, Dr. Lim, really, I...”

Lim cut her off, knowing what she’s gonna say, “We just reduce your workload smoothly to help you get through this. There’s no need to keep all this pressure on you, because it may hurt not only you, but also your baby,” she notices Claire’s cheeks suddenly becoming pale as her green eyes look at her with anxiety and a little of frustration. “Accepting help isn’t your defeat, Claire. Me, the board, and other attendings want all of our residents to have a good education and become professionals. But also we’re all humans and we help ours, because the most important thing is them to be healthy. It’s a difficult situation you are in, but we want you to finish your residency well and start your bright career as a surgeon, here or not – doesn’t matter.”

“Thank you,” Claire only can reply, still fiddling with the hem of her white coat.

Lim’s office suddenly felt more comfortable and peaceful than before when Claire noticed all those plants on the back, bookshelf on the side and this warming sunlight, beaming from outside.

It makes her heart beat slower.

“You are welcome, Claire,” Lim smiles reassuringly and puts the tablet on the table. “Also, we’re allowed to give our residents only twelve weeks of parental leave, given the fact that you didn’t have any leave this year and you already achieved necessary competencies. Is it okay?”

“It’s more than okay.”

“Take your time, Claire. There’s no rush and this leave not as long as you can think now. We’ll talk through every detail later, then. For now, you can continue to work as you did, but if something’s wrong, tell your attending or me immediately, am I clear?”

Claire nods and Lim allows her to leave. It felt more real now, after that talk about the future, and Claire’s hands a little shakes as she touches her belly lightly, feeling the baby’s kicking. She’s so relieved and grateful yet excitingly scared.

Neil knew she did talk to Lim finally, but was surprised when Audrey walked in his office at the end of the day, closing the door behind her and looking at him with suspicion.

“What did I do again?” He asks quickly, grinning at her with some doubts and tiredness in his eyes.

“No time for jokes, Neil. This time you’re taking it too far,” she comes closer and he stands up only to make his way around the table and lean back to it.

“It’s about the previous case? Well, there was only one option and we did what we should, just happened to be complications with outcomes, but the patient’s alive after all...”

“I don’t talk about your patient. I want to know what’s going on with you and Claire. Can you make it clear for me?”

He frowns, glancing down at his crossed fingers, “Audrey, I thought we already had that discussion a long time ago after that complaint, what has changed?”

Lim lifts her left eyebrows and looks at him with fury eyes, “Really, Neil? You're resident and your _friend_ Claire is pregnant. That’s not what I expected when told to deal with it,” her sharp tone makes him annoyingly exhale. “Why are you still sneaking around and didn’t make it to HR or me at least? You’re so screwed up here! Do you even know how hard it will be for her career now, when she’s not only sleeping with her boss, but also has a baby with him? You just ruined everything she was building for so long!”

“Stop it!” He responds quickly, feeling confusion, embarrassment and anger at the same time. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about. She’s having a baby, that’s great. But she still has a bright future as a surgeon ahead of her, because she’s an amazing doctor in both operations and communications. And she earned her place because she’s a hardworker and so gifted. If someone thinks she’s that kind of inferior, who sleeps her way to the top, then they are complete morons and don’t know her at all!”

Audrey noticed how his jaws clenched after he stopped his exclamation and crossed his arms on the chest.

“I warned you, Neil. You had to go to HR to prevent most of the misunderstandings with your colleagues,” she explains, taking a deep breath and feeling a thick tension between them. “Claire took it all on herself, because she would agree with what I just said to you. And you know that.”

“That’s not your business, how she will handle it.”

“As long as I’m a chief of surgery, it is. And yours, too, because you’re her attending.”

“Claire and I hadn't even met outside the hospital in months. And I just knew about it yesterday as everyone else. So, please, stay professional at least with her and don’t talk with her about it. It’s already hard for her, but she didn’t do anything wrong. And me as well, okay?” he purses his lips, trying to talk more calm and careful and choosing right words.

She shakes her head, squinting her eyes in a displeasing way, “All of that you tell on the record, and I pretend to believe it. But we both know it’s bullshit, Neil.”

“If you say so,” he shrugs and returns to his place. “Either way, she doesn’t have to be careful with choosing friends just because of the gender and then be a victim of inappropriate rumors, when there’s nothing inappropriate going on,” Neil clarifies, defending Claire’s reputation. “I thought, we are friends, Audrey.”

“We are, Neil. But I am your boss and I wanted to make it clear how unprofessional your relationship with Claire is. You of all people should be well aware of how it is to be in a relationship when you’re in different positions.”

“There’s nothing inappropriate going on between us. I don’t know what else to say.”

“You don’t have to. I get it,” she exhales, showing him she didn’t buy it. “Do you regret it? That you and Claire didn’t work out?”

He gives her a dull look of a trapped animal, feeling his stomach get all twisted in knots, not knowing how to answer not only his boss and friend, but also his ex-girlfriend.

It feels odd.

Seeing his confused reaction, she just goes away, leaving him upset and anxious with so many thoughts on his mind. And all of them are about Claire.

This day and the whole week had been the same busy for them both as always, but it felt somehow new.

Melendez did good with this whole pretending thing, but still threw a bit weird glances towards her every time she sighs or closes her eyes, sitting in the resident lounge and working on some new case with her legs pulled on the couch, her laptop on it and notes in her hands. And she could feel his hard gaze, but preferred to continue working and exchanging small talks with other residents as they read and review something there too.

It was just once she somehow found herself in his strong arms in the middle of the cafeteria, and not because it’s just a natural impulse – though, he suppressed it as hard as he can – but because there was some guy running and almost bump into her as she was completely on her phone, reading something. But if anybody noticed the frightened yet relieved look he gave her, they just didn’t attach importance to it.

Claire, though, did. And she’s scared with it, too, because only seeing him so startled made her worry, too. But she just assured him it's all okay and she’ll be careful next time, and thanked him, retreating from his firm hands and going away before she could think how great it was to be in his arms again.

It’s not right.

And that night she hesitantly came into his office with the small paper in her slightly trembling hands and gave it to him without saying anything, he just stared at her in confusion.

Then his gaze lowered to the paper in his hands now. And he just froze, getting caught up in the moment.

It was a picture of her ultrasound and there’s the shape of the baby’s head and small arms he could see. He’s breath stopped for a long minute as his eyes captured this small evidence of their one night together. And he couldn’t believe his heart’s gonna explode because of all the feelings that get him.

 _It’s his baby. His and Claire’s._ And this felt unreal.

“I thought you might wanna have it, too. It’s from my last appointment. And I decided I don’t want to know the sex of the baby, so... if you do, then you can call my OB/GYN...”

“No-no, it’s more exciting that way,” Neil cuts her off quickly and gives her the fondest smile she's ever seen. “Thank you,” he looks at her belly and then loses into those wicked green eyes of hers for a few seconds, before she nods and heads out of his office.

The next thing he remembered is how he put the picture in frame and placed it on the nightstand in his bedroom, feeling hope.

And every time he looks at it – that he does quite a lot when he could – he thinks about his life that finally has a purpose. He’s gonna do everything for this special human being, because he or she deserves all love and happiness in the world. And he knows that Claire will be the mother she never had, the most caring, compassionate and loving mother. The greatest mother, because she’s an amazing person herself to make the life of another person perfect and worthy and raise a decent human being.

Neil’s sure that with her as the mom of their baby he will try to be the best father, because she makes him better in every way.

And that’s killing him. He knows that she just doesn’t want to have any problem now, when it’s her last year of residency and she’s happened to be pregnant with his baby. His. Her attending’s baby. 

She can’t risk her job any more, and he knows it.

But he just wants it’d be different. Because everything he ever wanted he already found in Claire years ago. He can’t believe that the universe gives him the chance and then smashes it. He can’t be with her, doesn’t want to compromise her career, because she worked so hard to be where she is now and with this whole unplanned pregnancy thing it all hangs in the balance, she just can’t...

She can’t let him ruin her career, no matter how much he means to her. Now, it’s too hard to think about anything more than they can have. But she tries to convince herself that it’s the right decision.

As weeks goes by Neil sometimes just stops by her place to have a nice dinner together, or offers a walk in the park instead of running, or gets a text that she’d get to his place for watching a movie she always wanted to see but not alone and he's always ready to meet her anyway.

Their friendship’s back and they both couldn’t be more grateful for it, because it’s something that really helps. Having a person who understands, and never judges, and always there for you to listen or just be by your side is what they both need. Still, it’s all secretive, because of the work, but they can’t lose it or sacrifice it for the sake of professional relationships.

Claire nor Neil just can’t lose another important person.

And they didn’t even notice Park in the residents’ lounge, working on his case that evening. But he’s seen them. Seen the picture. He was a detective, and he’s not stupid. It’s easy to put two and two together, and he already did, when truth came out. But proves are always beneficial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of it? What do you like the most and what is disappointed you maybe?
> 
> Also, the documentary I mentioned here is Netflix’s Unsolved Mysteries, that premiered on July 1 this year. I really liked it, so highly recommended:)


	4. Chapter 4

All this unwelcome attention from the hospital workers has fallen after a month and a half or so of fuss about her; it’s settled down finally. Mostly because there’s a new thing in other’s lives to discuss – like a new staff member, one of the nurses' engagement – so hers is just some old gossip that everybody gets tired of and already talked through, end-to-end.

And it has stopped.

One day she just came to the hospital and noticed that there’s no staring, no talking behind her back, no whispering – just people, who nicely smile at her, greet her and talk to her like nothing’s happened. But a little tension in the group of residents still was there, especially every time Neil agreed with Claire and praised her work, because she is brilliant and can’t stop amaze him and other attendings. Not all the time, but most of it. It’s getting better from day to day, because she and Melendez do everything possible to make it professional-with-no-secret-between-them kind of relationship in full sight of coworkers. And others could see that all praise was deserved by her commitment to her patients and improving skills in OR. She wished it could be different, and still, there’s no way she wanted to change a thing.

They try so hard to make it work appropriately, correctly to make everyone stop believing in rumors, but they’re supervised – less now, but still – and it hardly will be different in the foreseeable future.

Her relieved exhale is the first thing that came out her mouth as she reached the locker room. New day’s gonna be fine, she tells herself, getting ready.

Dr. Lim and Dr. Andrews came into the residents’ lounge with charts just a few minutes after Claire and Morgan appeared, “So, who’s ready to help in the ER? We need to send two of you,” Audrey says.

Andrews leans with his hands on the table and glances over at Lim as residents change their looks, not that excited about this idea. “Maybe, you find there cases for solo surgeries,” his head’s tilted as his voice sounds more intriguing, making their eyes lit up at this offer finally.

“What, Lim, taking my residents away again?” Neil walks out of his office and makes his way closer to them.

“ER needs help. Only two kids will be required with Andrews. The other two stays with you,” Audrey explains quickly.

All residents sigh in annoyance simultaneously at calling them “kids”, only making both their attendings grin.

“Fine. Who goes?”

Melendez glances at residents and sees their doubts in the way they’re hesitating, taking a chart from Lim’s hands. Reading through information in file, he looks excited, but then hears her voice.

“Okay, I’m going,” Claire says, making Melendez stare at her and nod.

Park throws Claire a look, “Me, too,” and stands next to her, waiting for them to head to the ER with Andrews as Lim stays with Melendez, Shaun and Morgan to give a brief description on their case before going to the patient's ward.

Claire, Park and Andrews talk a little about how it’s gonna be and what they’re needed for in there as they quickly get to the room full of injured people – and not all of them are normal. Especially these two drunk patients, one of whom has a big wound on his leg from the knee to the ankle, and the other, a friend of the first guy as it’s clear, has a cut on his forehead and elbow. Both of them are splitting their sides at everything they and nurses are saying or doing, making their breath be taken away and not being able to stop the laughing. And the ending of this madhouse is nowhere near, but annoyance and hatred of all the other patients here is tensed to the highest level, you can cut the air in there with a knife. Or the little girl, who’s crying her lungs out and kicking all the nurses away from her, because she’s scared of what they’re gonna do to her, a little cracked on the right side area head and why her mommy and daddy are still not here with her. Or the elderly man, who argues with the receptionist here about the prescription he got from his previous doctor and the need to be examined and consulted by the doctor in their hospital to make sure of his diagnosis and treatment right now without any waiting. 

And Andrews just leaves Claire and Park – looking around and quickly deciding what to do first, but terrifying inside and a bit out about things and uncontrollable patients – there, taking one of the other patients to perform emergency surgery.

“I call the girl,” Claire says and grabs a chart from the nurse who’s started to write down the information. “Then, I can examine the old man.”

“Ugh, get the easiest ones, Browne,” Park rolls his eyes, taking a chart for the drunk guy with the leg wound.

Claire giggles softly, saying, “Well, get the old man, than,” she challenges him, “but start with drunk guys, I’ll be here in a few, too,” she already steps away from him, turning for a moment to see his complaining yet scoffing emotion on the face as he shakes his head, but goes to the patient’s bay, taking gloves on.

The short beeping of her phone causes her to look at the screen as she approaches the little girl on the bay bed. Her face lifts up as she notices a small text.

_Neil: Such a loss working without you today. We have an aortic dissection scheduled for afternoon._

She types responses, holding out for a few seconds to reread it, think it through, edit it a little and then finally send. _And we have a drunk injured guy, crying girl with a head wound and grumpy old man. It’s your time to be jealous, Dr. Melendez._

As the dialogue is still on her screen, she can see he’s typing another text. _Ha-ha, it really sounds exciting._

She’s smiling like an idiot looking at his quick response.

_You bet it is:) By the way, hope for a good surgery, too._

_You’ll get it. Be careful there. And good luck:)_

_Be careful, too, Neil._

The last thing she got is his simple reply with a smiling emoji, and that’s all she needs to have a really nice day today. She quickly gets to the little girl and assures the nurse that everything’s gonna be fine and there’s no need to hold her in place. 

“Hi, I’m Dr. Claire Browne. And you are Beatrice, right?” She closes her chart, giving her an empathetic glance.

“Y-yes,” she responds quickly, rubbing her eye and hissing from pain.

“What happened to your head, Beatrice?”

“I fell from my bicycle.”

“You know, it happened to me, too,“ she remembered and took a seat on the chair next to the bed, waiting a few seconds for Beatrice to look at her with interest, but also fear, still far from comfortable in this situation. “When I was a kid I once tried to ride my friend’s bike and broke my hand, falling straight to the ground. Though, I think it’s because I just couldn’t ride a bike at all,” Claire smiles and suddenly Beatrice smiles through her tears a little, too.

“And y-you went t-to doctor, too?” Her little chin’s covered by the plush toy in her hands.

“Yes, and he put a cast on my hand for a few weeks.”

She nods, suddenly remembering how her mother didn’t want to come to the hospital with her and she made it herself, but in the aftermath couldn’t buy any painkillers nor meds for a better recovery, that doctor prescribed her. He looked over at her worryingly and gave her one full box of painkillers that he could find in his table at the moment. But she never used it due to her mother finding it before Claire even had a chance to think about hiding it. And there was no Breeze Browne in their trailer for a week as Claire was handling the pain by herself, hardly holding back tears and continuing to go to school.

Realizing how much pain all these little memories from her childhood still cause, she shakes her head, trying not to cry and completely scare this little girl in front of her. Her mother was sick and no matter how Claire tried to change it, she never was a good parent. It just hurts her so much more now and also makes her shiver fearfully, as she’s going to be a mother herself.

“Okay, now, Beatrice, I need to look closer at your wound, if you don’t mind? Then, I could give you meds that makes you feel better,” she explains patiently, tilting her head a little and trying to smile gently to her patient.

“Where’s my mommy and daddy? I want them to be here,” she cries out, and her eyes fill with a lot of tears again. “I-I want them h-here, please...”

Claire looks at the nurse Hawks, who immediately says, “They’re on the way.”

“See, they’re gonna be here very soon, Beatrice. But for now we need to take care of your head,” she leans a little to the girl, curled up on this too big for her small body bed, watching the doctor and the nurse above her. “Is it okay, if we help you?” Claire asks politely, waiting for Beatrice’s permission; she wants her to know that she’s in charge here and she’s the one who controls the situation.

Beatrice looks at her with those watery wide brown eyes and nods, clinging her tiny hands to the plush rabbit in her arms. Claire strokes the little girl’s shoulder and puts on her gloves to examine the wound. It’s not that bad as it seemed, looks pretty scary, though, but she just needs a few stitches and she’s gonna be alright. Claire checks her vitals as Beatrice sobs, looking at her doctor with faith and fear, but Browne’s doing everything delicately to avoid any unnecessary discomfort.

Claire clears her forehead from blood and some dirt, then puts on an anesthetic to start stitching.

“Hey, you’re doing so great, Beatrice,” She almost whispers, gazing at her tearful red face. “We have to suture your wound, so it’s healing well...”

She stops, seeing a fearful couple, entering the ER and asking a nurse for their daughter, and then they notices their little girl and exhales sharply, moving to the bay.

“There’s our baby,” the mother speaks and kisses both of her small hands as the father leans down to her and leaves a kiss on the crown of her neck.

Claire explains quickly what’s going on and what’s happening next, prepping the patient’s forehead for a suturing. Then, Beatrice squeezes the hands of her parents, as Claire does her job carefully, looking at the little girl’s face now and again to make sure the anesthetic’s working.

“And... that’s it, Beatrice,” she looks at the sutured wound, cleaning it again with a cotton ball and putting a band aid. “You were really brave. And don’t worry, it’ll be fine very soon,” she reassures her patient.

“Thank you so much! Thank you,” the mother and the father start shaking Claire’s hand as she smiles to them politely and clumsily stands up from her position on the chair, holding her belly.

“You’re welcome.”

She tells them when they should come for check ups and stitches removed, making appointments at their clinic, and quickly explains everything about the treatment.

“Be careful next time, okay?” Claire says to Beatrice, who nods immediately and wraps her arms around the doctor's neck for a few seconds, then cuddles to her mom again, finally not looking so scared in this embrace.

“And, um, congratulations. I think you're going to be a great mother, Dr. Browne,” Beatrice’s mom says and Claire only smiles.

Her gaze’s caught for a second with a staring dark eyes from the hallway; he’s smiling softly, clearly losing in thoughts and latching on to something intangible in his mind without any chance to stop looking at her.

At her, taking care of a kid.

The corners of her lips lift instantly, as she’s blushing at this not so private eyes-communication, and he suddenly shakes his head up and down barely noticeable and, with a soft smile, fades away in the hallway again.

“Thank you, Dr. Browne,” the mother says for the last time and waves to her doctor as the family’s leaving.

Sighing and closing her eyes for a moment only to see his smile stuck in her mind, Claire quickly moves to the bay, where there were drunken guys, and Park, and also less crazy noises then there were before only to continue working. Her hands move the curtains and she notices that Alex has already filled the chart and checked vitals of the man with this messy wound on the calf, as the nurse helped the guy, who has only cut on his forehead and a couple of scratches and bruises.

Nurse Fryday approaches them hastily, “OR-6 is ready.”

“You can stay in the waiting room, okay?” She looks at the friend of this wound guy, who starts getting back to normal. No laughing there, that’s a progress. 

“He’ll be fine, right?” He asks, and Park nods quickly.

“Let’s go,” Claire says, studying the chart.

“Fine, you can help me, Browne,” Park rolls his eyes mockingly, making Claire scoff as they move down the hallway with a patient.

The surgery’s not that easy as they thought, because there’s a lot of tissue damaged, nerves and vessels ripped; so they need to be careful and patient to get it all together and make sure his leg’s not gonna be paralyzed.

Park looks at her, with his eyes squinted, from the other side of the operating table. “Why aren’t you together again?” He asks all of a sudden, checking the vessels he just repaired. “You and Melendez,” he adds quickly.

Claire glances at him with suspicion, “Well, I wanted to work in the ER today, and he happened not to be here with us...”

She continues to work on the patient’s leg, frowning a little as she suddenly understands what he’s talking about.

“You know, what I mean,” he whispers for only her to hear and throws a few glances at her.

She looks at the nurses around them as they just continue doing their work; and Claire can’t say if they heard what Park said or not, “I don’t know what you mean. Let’s get back to the surgery,” she cuts him off.

That was close to failure. What’s wrong with Park? There’s already so many rumors about her pregnancy and the last thing she wants is them to talk about the chance that this mysterious father is actually a well-known attending surgeon Neil Melendez.

Her fingers flinch and she stops, looking around and noticing that nobody is staring at her anymore. She exhales sharply, meeting an apologetic look of Park and just getting back to work. They’ll talk later. She just really hopes no one ever tells anything about what kind of conversation almost started here. It’s so confusing and wrong. They both don’t deserve this burden.

The surgery went well, and they closed the patient’s leg after five hours of careful work. Chances that guy’s gonna be paralyzed are pretty minimal, but she’s still worried if they did it all right.

Though, that’s not the only thing she’s worried about.

“I’m sorry, Claire. Should've waited until it’s only us,” Park says just after they come into the lounge.

“Yeah, now I’ve got to listen to all this damn gossip again and it can destroy not only my career, but Melendez’s, too,” she replies, trying not yelling because of the growing anger inside her. “And he isn't even related to anything you thought he did. So, thanks for it,” this add is followed by her aloud sigh and an eyes-roll.

Park only exhales and shakes his head, “I’m sorry. Still, I know why you keep it a secret. But you should be careful here, if it’s still private information.”

“Are you trying to blackmail me or what?” She crosses her arms on her chest, looking at him with caution and taking a step back.

“Of course, not, Claire. I just tell you to be more careful in the hospital, if you don’t want others to know,” he shrugs and takes a seat at the table, starting to fill in the chart. “I noticed that something suddenly had changed between you two long before that. And that happened a couple of times. First time you were so obviously blushing one morning, but trying to be professional and yet couldn’t even look at him without this starry eyes. And he was weirdly smiling, too. And the second time you came to work all pale and quiet,” he stats, stopping all this puzzling talking. “And then, the other night I saw you when you came to his office with the sonogram,” he hears her gasp at his acknowledgment. “So, put two and two together and here we are.”

He was a damn detective. And she’s so stupid that she wasn’t careful that night. God, she screwed up everything.

Park notices the horrified yet empty gaze of her hazel green eyes and rushes to calm her down, “Hey, I’m not gonna tell anyone. Just... that night it could be Lim, or Andrews, or Morgan, she’s not so bitchy now, but still it’s Reznick for god sake. I just wanted to warn you, if it’s still a secret...”

“Okay,” she responds suspiciously, puts her hands down, playing with the hem of her scrub.

“Though, I know you’re scared that people would treat you differently and may think that you just make your career through sleeping with your boss. But, you know, things seem pretty serious now. And not everybody would be unfair to you, if the truth comes out. You’re a great surgeon. And he’s the best, too. It’d be tough, but maybe it would work out? I really don’t understand why you and Melendez are not together.”

“It’s complicated,” she rests on the chair in front of him, pulling one of her hands on the top of her growing belly, feeling her baby’s sleeping now.

“I almost missed a shot with my wife, you know,” Park closes a file and looks straight into her eyes, making his face serious and thoughtful. “Sometimes you just have to go and deal with all ‘complications’, because there may be no other chance in the future. A right time and place – it’s all bullshit, Claire. It might not even happen,” she starts shivering at the tone he uses to tell her these simple things, that she always knew, but hid it in the far corner of her mind. “You should be very aware of it after... everything,” he doesn’t need to remind her of the sudden death of her mother, because she understands what he’s trying to say.

Claire purses her lips, replying sharply “I am, okay?” She almost rolls her eyes, making him scoff. “Thanks for another advice, dad,” there’s a barely noticeable smile, playing on her lips, and Park sees it.

“You’re welcome, child,” and with that they return to the work on charts, drinking their coffee and enjoying their latest lunch. It only takes thirty minutes before they go back to the ER.

It's pure luck that only Park knows. And maybe he’s not wrong this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know, if you liked it or not in the comments:)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank you all for your undying support, these kind words you wrote in the comments, your kudos, your readings of my work! Thank you guys, I’m so grateful for it 💗
> 
> And I hope you will enjoy this chapter:)

Melendez finally got Claire and Morgan, because they didn’t work together for the last few difficult cases and now it’s time for them to perform a complicated procedure together, a thoracic surgery. It’s a removal of a big tumor that is wrapped around pulmonary veins and arteries and prevents normal blood flows in the patient's heart. And the main problem is their patient was taken here already without consciousness and he never got it back, but his brain shows normal activity. And he needed an emergency surgery to save his life and revive his unconscious state.

But just an hour before a planned procedure patient’s vitals got worse and it caused more life threatening complications. So, Melendez postponed it until they could find a decent replacement.

After a few hours of brainstorming, they approved a new plan. But they just felt that something’s wrong with that. So, Morgan and Claire searched for more information on similar cases and succeeded. It was an assertive move to catch him, already in his scrub, in the hallway on the way to the OR, just before the surgery, and offer him a new plan, his resident were more sure of, explaining everything, showing their notes, even a list of pros and cons, just so into it with all bright-eyed determination, passion and bravery – he couldn’t reject this idea. But needed some time to accept it.

“There are still risks...” Claire shows him last scans with some notes on the tablet.

“...but it should work better than our previous plan,” Morgan finishes, challengingly looking at Dr. Melendez, and then glances at Claire.

“Whose idea was it?”

“It’s a teamwork,” Claire hurries to explain.

“It was Claire’s originally, but I improved an approach,” Morgan clarifies.

“Oh-kay,” he frowns. “Anyway, looks good to me,” he responds after meticulous study of their idea and research of outcomes statistics. “Get ready, I’ll tell Dr. Lim about changing.”

Morgan smiles proudly, mirroring Claire’s reaction, and fades behind the OR door.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Excited and ready for surgery,” she’s actually glowing in overwhelm; it’s been awhile since she works on something like that. Seeing him tilting his head suspiciously, she adds, “I’m good, really.”

“If anything...” he responds cautiously.

“I know,” she says simply, looking a bit nervous.

“Hey, you got it. There are always risks,” he gives her a serious yet soft gaze to assure her.

After that, she feels slightly better.

It took them twenty hours, that felt so much longer, because they started the surgery only about 8 pm. Especially for Claire, who barely could stand and do the surgery, when the baby inside her started kicking, her ankles got more swollen and her back was hurting as if something hit her from behind for the entire time, but she didn’t want to show it to the surgery crew. But she takes only five – for her at the point, it’s really _only_ five – breaks to empty her bladder and then lay down on the bench in the locker room for a good thirty minutes two times and about ten minutes other three times, hoping no one could find her here, as she enjoying her small rest, and completely forgetting about Lim’s order for her to take longer breaks more often and more longer than that.

It’s a risk to be overloaded. But she couldn’t lose her chance to become a great doctor almost at the end of the way because of her weakness that other residents don’t have.

Claire and Morgan go to check on the patient, who is now starting to awake.

“Mr. Lowell? It’s Dr. Browne and Dr. Reznick,” Claire pulls a tube out of his mouth, looking at his lost eyes. “We had to change the original plan, because you had a heart attack. But the surgery went well and we removed a tumor,” she explains slowly and then remembers that he has absolutely no idea, how he ended up here, in the hospital.

“Call me James. And where... am I?”

“Sure, James. You’re at St. Bonaventure hospital. You were found unconscious on the bus station and delivered here,” Morgan says, starting examining. “How are you feeling?”

“Uh, feel like a train wreck,” 

“It’s totally normal. Could you remember something from that day?”

James looks anxious, trying his best to get his memories, “I-I was on my way to the car shop. Then I had a meeting at the court...” he starts, but cuts himself off, confusingly looking around. “God, I missed my hearing with my wife... ex-wife. Did she call me or someone call her?”

Claire exchanges glances with Morgan, not knowing if he needed truth, but Reznick starts speaking before Claire can consider less traumatic words.

“We did. I’m sorry, James, but she didn’t want to talk about you.”

“Shit,” James leans down, feeling so weak and sore. “She definitely get all the rights to ban me from seeing my son and already flew away,” he chokes in a furious and upset way.

“Maybe, she didn’t...”

“I should’ve been there to prevent it, and I haven’t... My baby Dalton... Can you give me my phone? I have to explain to her everything, I have to call my lawyer.”

His monitor starts beeping, showing his heartbeat getting faster and faster as he’s trying to move out of his bed, but the skin under the new suture is stinging and everything is burning inside his chest.

Claire quickly presses her palms on his shoulders to get him back to bed, “Hey, I’m sorry, James, but you should stay still and keep the peace to get better, or there might be serious damages.”

She hesitates if it’s okay to give him his phone and try his luck, or it’s not worth the risk of heart attack.

“I need to get my phone!” he pushes her away hard enough to make her step back and pulls onto the tubes and wires to break free.

Nurse Flores comes in immediately as Morgan tries to save all devices connected to his body. And before Claire could say anything else, and gave him a harmless shot, making him sleep for a little while to get stronger and closer on a small step to full recovery.

“If he’d talk to his ex-wife, it’ll be worse, Browne,” Morgan looks confident at her shocked expression.

And Claire exhales, knowing she’s right. “But it’s hard to be in the dark. And he might try escaping again.”

“Uh, he’s a pain in the ass,” Morgan rolls her eyes. “I’ll tell nurse Flores to give him his phone later, okay?” She marches out the ward after Claire’s agreement.

Meanwhile, Neil tries to do paperwork, that’s already a lot in the second part of the day, Park shows up in the doorway, hesitantly looking at him, “Hey, uh... Dr. Melendez, do you have a minute?”

“Of course. Is it something about your case? How’s your and Shaun’s patient?” Melendez lifts his head and curiously glances at his resident.

“He’s fine. I want to talk about something else,” he walks in and closes the door behind him, making the attending surgeon frowns, watching his actions. “I know it’s not my business, but are you going to do something about Claire?”

It’s definitely not related to work. And by the look in Alex’s eyes, it becomes obvious to Neil that he’s well aware of Claire’s and his secret. 

His face grows serious in a matter of seconds, “It is really none of your business.”

Melendez’s eyebrow is raised in a way that means Park overstepped, thinking he’s gonna nudge him a bit to make a right decision. For him, it seems stupid they hide feelings behind the fear of losing their face and screw their careers. Love is patient, but if there’s a slight chance it could work right away, then you should go for it.

Park shakes his head and turns around to leave, but Melendez stops him.

“It’s up to her. It’s always been up to her. She’s gonna risk way more than me,” he exhales. “I hope you are satisfied with that answer.”

“Just a little reminder that one day it’s gonna be too late. So, do you still think the waiting is worth it?” Park clasps his hands together, standing right in front of his superior. “And there were a lotta rumors about you two in the hospital, but not all of the staff members thought bad things of Claire and you. Yes, we all watched if you gave her a special treatment or if you were biased towards her ideas. But it’s obvious you’re professionals at work.”

Neil only looks at him, saying nothing, because there’s still no plan what to do with this whole situation. He wants to be honest with her, be happy with her, love her in the world where hospital policy, or reaction of coworkers, or effect on their careers wouldn’t matter for him and her that much. It’s so hard to find a person you can’t live without; the smile touches the corners of his lips as he remembers her words that changed his life. But also what hard is to build a relationship with no impact on their lives.

“She feels the same way, if you still wonder,” Park adds quickly.

“I know,” Melendez simply responds.

“Don’t waste your time anymore, just deal with it together,” he says and goes away, leaving Neil thinking about everything he just said.

He quickly notices Claire and Morgan in the lounge room and hopes they didn’t overheard what Park and him talked about. There’s no time for thinking about such complicated things right now.

Deciding to postpone any consideration of what he’s going to do, Melendez walks out of his office to the residents, who’s chatting and filling in the chart in the lounge room, “Dr. Browne, Dr. Reznick,” he nods to them.

“Our patient is stable now, but we had to give him a shot to make him rest.”

“Okay, I’ll watch him tonight,” he replies simply. “You worked great today and deserved a good rest, so, go home,” he smiles to them and notices they loosen up, then makes his way to his office.

“Thank you, Dr. Melendez. And goodnight, I guess,” Morgan says, looking at her watches, that says it’s only about five in the afternoon.

He chuckles and nods to both of his residents, “You, too.”

When Claire already closed the door of her locker, Morgan appears next to her from nowhere, “Don’t be so unsure of your ideas...”

“I know that Melendez agrees with you every now and again, but I am also aware, that he does it because you’re talented,” Morgan suddenly freezes and looks straight into her eyes, continuing her speech. “Once you told, that it’s gonna be fine someday, and it did,” she remembers Claire’s words just after her hands surgery, when she was worried if she could ever operate again. “Everybody misjudged you because of the possible relation between Melendez, you and your baby. But most of them finally realized that it doesn’t matter when it comes to work. And you’re a real hard-worker with no need of doing questionable things to get what you want.”

Claire frowns, but says nothing, just watches her.

“Don’t make their assumptions and wrong judgement doubt your work, yourself and choose for you what is right. And maybe you are less productive now, but it’s okay, and you don’t have to prove to everyone that you can do anything. It’s okay to feel weakness. It happens. But it doesn’t make you bad at any point.”

Morgan pulls her coat over her shoulders and exhales, “So, see you tomorrow,” she smiles.

“Yeah, you too,” Claire’s eyes are dazed and wide as she’s processing her words, that suddenly makes her feel better. “Thank you,” she finally replies, when Reznick almost twirls around, leaving the locker room, bouncing on her feet and making her wavy ponytail move up and down her upper back, slightly hanging onto the coat collar from behind.

Morgan’s a good observer and analyzer, when it comes to other people’s feelings. There’s just not a lot of people she really wants to be good with.

But just as she pulled up to the driveway of her apartment complex after stopping for quarter of an hour in the grocery store in her neighborhood, wanting only to make a quick dinner, then zone out under her fluffy blanket and sleep until the next day, she got a page from the hospital, that something’s wrong with her patient, but no one could tell what is.

Catching up on her breath, she drives the whole way back and moves as fast as she can to the patient’s ward, noticing a lot of people – nurses, patients, doctors – there, just standing outside, still and scared in unusual for the hospital absolutely dead silence. But it feels like there was a mad house the seconds before, and then it just faded within minutes.

She approaches Melendez, who tells something to Morgan with her trembling hands clasping together; Reznick shakes her head nervously, looking straight in his anxious eyes.

Within a few seconds, Claire finally understands why so quiet in there and no one would speak a word. Her hand covers her mouth as the dead body bag is closed by morgue guys.

Morgan looks at her with her red eyes, and she already knows what the resident is going to say. “He called his wife,” she whispers, trying to keep herself from crying.

“Hey, I’m sure you have work to do,” Dr. Lim points at the doctors and nurses. “And all the patients need to be in their wards,” she catches everyone’s attention and makes them all get back to what each of them was doing before. “Dr. Melendez, Dr. Browne and Dr. Reznick, please, come with me,” she orders, carefully studying them with her eyes before walking them to her office.

“What happened?” Claire blurts out, looking at Melendez with her eyes wide open.

“Nurse Flores gave James his personal things after he woke up and I checked on him quickly. I only know that he called his wife eventually and there was an argument about the legitimacy of the court’s decision on custody. We tried to calm him down, when he got rid of his tubes and everything and started yelling and hitting things in there. And then he just collapsed,” Melendez explains on their way to Lim’s office. “His heart stopped. CPR and defibrillation didn’t work. There was nothing we could have done to save him,” there’s a guilty look in his eyes, that mirroring hers.

She’s the one, who insisted, that James should talk to his wife anyway. Even though Morgan didn’t support that.

She screwed up.

“Please, take a seat,” Audrey tells them and leans back to her table, looking at them in front of her.

“Surgery was a success. But the patient didn’t want to listen to the doctors and nurses orders, even security couldn’t help to calm him,” Neil clarifies before Lim could start figuring out who’s to blame in this unexpected situation. “There’s nothing you could accuse me or my residents of.”

Audrey exhales, gripping a surface of the table from both sides of her hips, “I want to sort it out for the record. So, was it James' decision to make it known to be unsuccessful and potentially dangerous to his state call?”

“Yes. But I allowed nurse Flores to give him his phone after his waking right away,” Morgan leans forward a little. “I...”

Claire cuts her off, glancing at her and Melendez from the corner of her eyes, “And I convinced Morgan that it’s a right thing for the patient.”

“That doesn’t matter. He’d made this call anyway. So, it’s not Dr. Reznick’s or Dr. Browne's fault,” Melendez stands up, crossing hands on his chest and making a step closer to Lim. “I was trying to make him finish this phone conversation and get back to bed, but he was aggressive with medical staff. That’s all.”

Claire looks at him for a moment as his patient, measured and confident voice sounds too quiet in the tension, that pops her ears like it's water and she’s drowning slowly.

A tough exhale leaves Audrey’s mouth.

“I hope you're alright after that. I’m sorry, it happened that way,” she looks over the small group of attending and his residents, still and grief, with tired and dull yet wild stares. “You may take a day off tomorrow. All three of you.”

“I’m fine to work tomorrow,” Neil responds immediately and gets only a simple nod from Lim.

“Okay. I have to fill in a lot of paper here. You’re free to go.”

Claire doesn’t say a word, just leaves the office and does her best to get out of the hospital, feeling herself on the edge. Her bottom lip quivers hardly, uncontrollably, and her jaws clench, while she tries too much to keep her face in front of people.

And the dam breaks as soon, as she locks herself in the car and can’t even move to try and drive away. Her face meets the back of her hands, that grips on the wheel tightly. The sobs escape her lips even too silently as if she still was scared someone noticed her breakdown.

The events, and fails, and complications, and losses hit her hard all at once. It’s dazed her. She cries out loud, don’t bothering with wiping her tears away.

She always makes choices that harm other people, the people she cares about one way or another. It feels like there’s no good future in her life, because she just continues to make people get hurt by her and her decisions. And she doesn’t know anymore if it was smart to keep the baby, when she just isn’t meant to have love ones in her life if she wants to make their life good.

A small kicks comes from the inside of her belly, and her palm finds her way to the top of it instantly, “I’m sorry,” she whispers in the darkness of her tight closed eyes. “I’m sorry, you have such a messy person as you mother,” stroking her belly softly, she keeps crying.

But an unexpected sound of the knocking on the glass makes her get her head up sharply and exhale chokingly. She unlocks the door of the passenger seat and stares at the person who gets inside.

Melendez keeps his mouth shut, knowing his words doesn’t make her feel better in this situation, just touches her arm gently and starts stroking it hesitantly. The tears appear in her reddish eyes again and make its way down her cheeks, as she barely holds back her weep, biting on her lips hardly.

He just nods understandingly, letting her release her pain through unstoppable crying and grieving over everything, that suddenly cracked her heart in pieces. He feels guilty for what happened to her and that he couldn’t prevent it. And he wants to tell how much he loves her and that she’s not alone in this situation so bad, but he can’t.

The next day she’ll officially change her schedule with Dr. Glassman and Dr. Lim to perform only simple procedures. Deep down she knows it’s mostly because of the patient who died at the behest of her shortsighted decision after a difficult surgery. An official reason and the main point for the chief of surgery and president of the hospital will be her pregnancy.

But for now, his both hands, securely wrapped around her body, holding her closer to him, is the only thing that she needs to feel not completely lonely in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to know if you find it good or bad, so please, don’t forget to leave a comment. I really appreciate all your thoughts on it:)


	6. Chapter 6

His firm hand makes a couple of knocks on her front door, but there’s no steps behind it, instead her aloud offer to come in, because it’s open.

Neil’s been return to see Claire after hours again more frequently. It’s started with comforted meet ups and talks to help each other get over that sudden and heartbreaking loss of their patient, that really rocked their world, but they tried their best to find the peace again and not wreck their mental health, especially Claire’s. She became quiet at work after that incident, so did Morgan; both tried to throw themselves into work and focused on their next patients, giving the most compassionate care they could find in their ache hearts and souls. No one ever talk about the tragedy, just assuming it’s not necessary to say it out loud because it’s obviously hurting them and remind them of the death of that child molester they treated a long time ago.

Everyone at the hospital makes it a little easy on them, still, tries to get them back in the game. Though, they’re more cautious with patients, more careful with their needs and own compassionate to them. But as weeks pass, Claire and Morgan do a small steps to become more aware of what’s going on and what outcomes are going to happen. With a help of psych consults – that Claire already get used to, but now it’s just another reason to it – and help of their colleagues and friends, they finally take a breath and feel a little better with time goes by.

And having Neil all along the way, just watching them both working, but especially Claire, helping them to connect with patients properly again and guide them to success that they starts feel more confident, though all difficult procedures are not requiring Claire, she accompanies patients all the way before and after surgeries and focuses on other kind of treatment to prevent any bad outcomes herself, carrying child.

She finally feels not alone, always waiting to spend nights and days off with Neil, the most understanding person in her life now. They are more than happy to catch up on the time they barely talk before she told everyone she was pregnant. And because they really likes to spend days and nights in each other’s company. Though, they tried to make their outings less public, because if someone sees them spending time together at the bakery or restaurant, there’s gonna be rumors and eventually it’d known.

Still, he likes being around her again outside of work. Just casual hanging outs, like they were used to. Friendly dinners, and no matter what a restaurant or if it’s her or his apartment; walks instead of runnings in the nearby park; her every appointment; movie nights, a little awkward at first, then it just happens to be fine with them as before; more domesticated time together to prepare her apartment for the baby. 

Only this time things feels different. It’s an open sea around, but they both feel more free and have plenty of air to keep their heads above the waterline. There’s no settled relationship between them, but it somehow works out better, than before. And it’s just easier now with less grief, that slowly dissolves with each day and leaves only sadness and nostalgia.

Claire never thought that it’d be that way between them. She’s nervous about the baby, who may lost a father of Neil suddenly wants to back off. There was no actual father figure in her life; damn, there’s no mother in her life sometimes either. But the thought, that she’s gonna do everything to make sure her kid’s happy and she really can do it by herself if anything, comforts her. It’s already complicated, but finally feels okay; and she can’t make her baby’s life difficult because of any confusing situation between her and Neil.

She can do it alone, but if he wants to be involved, than it’s totally appreciated. But their relationship shouldn’t affect their job in any way.

And Neil respects her decision, though, thinking it’s not completely right. But he wants her to be great, to become the best surgeon and mother; he can’t ruin it with any feelings or changes in their connection.

But he has to keep trying harder to save, what they have, or he loses it.

He quickly goes inside and gets his boots off before starts looking for her, but it’s the easiest finding. Making his way to the living room, he hears the soft music in it and notices her, stretched out on the couch, with her ankles on the arm of it, head on the small pillow and both hands on her bump.

“Sorry, I just found a good position and relaxed finally,” she explains, catching his a little worried gaze.

“How are you feeling?”

“Legs and back are killing me,” she closes her eyes for a bit. “It’s been pretty long day.”

“Sorry to hear that, though you did great. And patient is gonna be completely fine soon, especially with your treatment plan.”

“I hope so,” she whispers, wincing lightly at the feel of pain in her back.

He empathetically looks at her, tilting his head and asking softly, “That’s what happens when you overwork yourself,” he touches her hand lightly. “Is there something I can do for you? Anything...”

“Well, if you could take all the pain away and also turn this little monster inside me so, that its head stopped pressing on my bladder, then yeah that’s it,” she chuckles lightly, making her funny pleading look with lifting her eyebrows, and notice the smile’s forming on Neil’s face. “My doctor says, I could find a massage therapist. Maybe you know anybody?” She asks, neglecting to mention, that actually doctor’s wondering, knowing the situation, if the baby daddy could do it himself.

“Well, yeah, I can give you a number of a good one,” he replies quickly and hesitates. “Though, no pressure, but I can help you with that. I’m not bad at massage either.”

She looks at him with her eyes wide and dazed, “You?”

“Yes, me. It’s just me giving you a hand. Like, literally two hands, that’s all. And why’s so skeptical?” he scoffs, rolling his shirt’s sleeves up.

“What are you? Got an omnipotence and wished to be multitalented?” she looks at him with amusement.

Rolling his eyes, he almost groans, “Oh, come on.”

“Don’t tell me you’re also a famous artist, and a musician, and an IT something guy?” She’s just having fun mocking him. And how can she resist? This confused-slash-offended-slash-hilarious look every time is absolutely priceless.

He crosses his arms, “Okay, you just lost a chance to have the greatest massage in your life,” a slight smile, playing on his lips, make her chuckle in response.

With making all the effort and gripping the back of the couch tightly, Claire takes a sitting position and gives him a little suspicious glare, studying Neil for a moment.

“I’ll send you the number of this great massage therapist I always go to. Not sure if he’s giving a massage for a pregnant women, but he sure does know somebody good...”

“Come on, it’s just a massage, right?” She suddenly speaks. “I think you can handle it,” she stands up a bit clumsily, smiling to him encouragingly; she’s just too tired to wait any longer with all her body hurting.

But he looks with a bit of a doubt in his eyes for a second, “You sure?” That time he speaks more serious.

Claire nods softly, “It’s better be an amazing massage, Melendez, or I’ll file a complain on you in that place where you get all this powers.”

It’s make both of them chuckle at the same time.

“I think, it’s more comfy in my bedroom,” she uses his shoulders as support to stand up and he carefully takes her hands to make sure everything’s alright.

Her small bedroom welcomes them with a light smell of her perfume and fresh air because of opened window. And the soft music from the living room is still heard. Neil was here once already, but it’s still feels so new. His eyes stick to the small things everywhere instantly. There’s so many knickknacks all over her nightstand and dressing table, that tells so much about her and her little messiness: a bunch of her favorite books with small paper bookmarks, her cosmetic stuff, jewelry, almost empty boxes where it holds, tiny plants.

Her work clothes from previous days lays on the chair and the foot of her bad, and she quickly gets it all to put it away to her closet. Only a red blouse – he thinks, for tomorrow – is hanging on the door now and she leaves it here, moving around the space.

And, of course, a there’s photos. Fun ones from her college time, mostly party time with Dash and Kayla, and cute ones with them and other friends, even the one from her birthday with all the residents and a chocolate cake they get her. Morgan made Melendez took picture that day in the lounge, so they all are on it with a birthday girl.

This memory makes him smile in nostalgia; and it just nice to know that there’s a photo in her bedroom that partly connected to him, even though he’s not on it.

“I hope, it’s a good place for you, masseur?” She still smiles, taking off her sweatshirt and staying in her sports top and shorts.

“Yeah, it’s okay for me,” he swallows hard, seeing her belly and too much of her exposed skin he’ not used to, but tries to look calm. “You may sit on your bed or lay on the side...”

Claire takes her hair up, “I’ll lay down, if you don’t mind,” he only nods, waiting for her, as she glance at him curiously again. “It’s gonna be a little weird, but I should take my top off. So, can you turn around for a second?”

Neil looks dazed at first and then suddenly an understanding comes to his mind: he really will massage Claire and she will be without most of her clothes on. He turns around to make her comfortable to undress and feels a little stupid because of not thinking through everything before suggest it to her. Though, he still be doing a massage for her, even if the realization comes to him earlier. She’s making all the heavy lifting and it’s fair to help her at least with the pain in her body.

There’s a lot of rustling and movements on her bed behind his back and after a few moments it stops. Then, he hears that she’s ready and takes a position on the floor next to the side of her bed where she’s laying.

“Tell me, if you feel bad. I’ll stop immediately,” Melendez warns her and she nods, softly smiling.

He is so careful, when it comes to her. He always was.

She holds her blanket tight to her chest and it goes down her side, opening her back for him, and then covers her from lower back and all down her legs, “There’s a coconut butter on the nightstand, if you need.”

Neil opens it, smelling the strong scent of coconut for a little longer, than it needs, and takes a little of this butter, starting to heating it between his palms. Then, she finally feels his warm creamy hands on her shoulders and his thumbs tenderly begins rubbing the nape of her neck. It quickly relaxes her, and she moves a little bit closer to him, on the edge of her bed and stretching as further as she could with the size of her belly to make it more comfortable for him to massage all of her back and sides a little.

The sweet smell of her soft skin, mixed with the coconut butter, wraps around him and feels too good to be true, making his every breath better than the before. Now, it’s the best feeling in his life – just smell her and being able to touch her all at once.

He patiently listens to her reaction on his every action – the small moves she makes inadvertently, the sounds she lets out, even the changes of her breath. Still, his hands are massaging her as gentle as they can, because he never did it for a pregnant woman and he need to be careful to prevent any bad outcomes. It’s the last thing he want – her and the baby to be hurt because of him.

As he slowly moves down her spine, Claire exhales more audible, feeling how her the soreness comes out of her muscles and pain gets lesser and lesser with every move of his strong yet gentle hands on her skin. Closing her eyes, she moans softly as he suddenly rubs the spot that bothered her the most that day, and it’s just such a release to feel how ache goes away.

“Feels good?” Neil asks, stopping his heated palms on her back.

“So good, please, don’t stop,” she responds and moans softly again, making him sharply exhale at this, as he continues massaging and moves to her lower back, slowly kneading her cord with his thumbs and then moves to the sides.

His delicate hands slowly runs up and down her back, massaging all the most painful parts of it one after another, and moves to her shoulder only to start kneading her arm. After her right arm’s done, without any hesitation and words she slowly turns on the other side to make it possible for him to do the same with her other one. And as she moves that way, her blanket happens to be covered tightly all around her body.

Neil just sits in front of her, now laying on her side with her face to him, her eyes are still closed and she looks so peaceful after this massage thing, he saw her like that not so much times and now he watches her closely – this freckles on her nose and her cheeks, blushing skin, formed in soft smile pink full lips, slightly shivered long eyelashes – just her, like a breathtaking work of art.

She needs to rest, he thinks. And this is the perfect time for it as she’s just relaxed after massage was finished and no pain was bothering her anymore.

He wants to take his hands away, but she catches one of them and squeezes it softly, making the electrical shocks come through his palm and all up his arm to finally hit him straight in his full of affection heart and speed up his heartbeat.

Her eyelashes fly open and her wonderful green eyes meet his brown ones. She still holds his hand, though loosely, feeling out of energy.

“That’s... so not fair your hands are good at so many things,” she almost whisper, scoffing suddenly.

His chuckle makes her smile even more widely, “I’m flattered, that you find my massaging skills good, too.”

“Now, I want you to do it every week. Maybe, even a few times a week.”

“I don’t mind,” he chuckles softly again, looking at her happy face.

They just stays on their place, staring into each other’s eyes, until it’s suddenly stops, and she carefully releasing his hand. He feels a little lonely after that move, but decides to make that moment less uncomfortable and says quickly, “So, we’re done with your back, how about a foot rub?”

A few seconds, that took her to make a response, feel like eternity. But then Claire gives him a contented smile, “Okay,” she replies with admiration and moves carefully up, leaning on the backboard of her bed. He sits at the foot of it and takes her legs to his laps, starting the rub.

“Your doctor said something about the due date already?” He asks, carefully massaging all the knots in her foot and calves.

“It’s late October,” she closes her eyes for a moment. “Six more weeks, only six more weeks,” she tells herself, like mantra, and after opening her eyes she meets his empathetic gaze.

“You’re doing a great job. So far so good, yeah?” His rubbing slowly becomes gentle stroking.

“Yeah,” she says gratefully, getting a soft smile from him, “Thank you.”

That night, he’ll stay in her living room, falling asleep on her not so comfortable couch, because she can’t let him go so far and wanna spend a little more time just talking and laughing with him until late hours; and he can’t say no to this great suggestion. But for now, she’s just enjoying him rubbing her legs and watching him carefully, suddenly thinking about how good it would be to spend all their nights together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it:) Please, let me know what you liked the most here. I appreciate all your comments💗


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and commenting and liking this work!
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter💗

“How the hell am I supposed to do this together, if there’s nothing, that should put it together? Ugh,” Neil runs his hand down his neck, standing in her small bedroom with wooden pieces all around the floor. “That instruction is shit. And what’s this piece for?” He holds one of the pieces in his hands and sees Claire’s only shrugging.

They have been trying to build a baby crib for almost two hours. And everything they could do is only put two side railings together. Nice done, but still there’s no way it looks like an actual crib.

Claire chuckles lightly, reading instructions again and again and trying to get the pieces together, while she sits in a crossed-legs position on the floor, “That’s the fun part of building stuff,” she looks up at him, tilting her head as he exhales. “Help me?” She holds out her arms, waiting for him to help her stand on her feet, because it’s so hard lately to get up without resting on furniture or getting someone to pull her up.

He finds it funny and cute, though, how she reaches out her hands and looks at him with her big green eyes. She’s like a baby herself, he can’t resist; but every time she sees his smile in the moment like that, she only gives him a tired and a little frustrated look, making a soft moan of irritation.

“Come here,” he leans down and she clasps on his forearms as he pulls her up from the floor. “Time to find a tutorial on YouTube and just finish with it already, or it’s gonna kill us,” his hands are still on hers, as they suddenly realized how close they are to each other, with her belly pressed to his abdomen. And Claire carefully pulls away her arms, but remains in the place, looking into his eyes and chuckling.

“Agree. I’ll make tea, while you’re searching,” She pats his shoulder, giving him a compassionate smile, and leaves.

It takes her awhile to make her teapot hot and fix drinks for both of them. Slowly moving down the tiny hallway of her apartment, she reaches her bedroom and notices that he is done with the crib and watching it over, trying to be sure it’s completely harmless for the baby.

“Hey, it looks great,” she puts cups on the nightstand.

“And it moves now,” he starts pulling one of the crib's sides up and down, so it becomes easy to put it beside Claire’s bed and have the baby close to her and safe from accidental falling out.

“You helped so much with it, I don’t even know how to thank you,” her voice suddenly sounds barely audible in the room, drifted by soft moonlight and pleasant darkness of the night, when she looks around with the only hope to find something that could calm her down.

He takes a sip from his cup of tea and shakes his head, brushing her off, “It’s the least I could do, all the hard work is still on you,” he carefully nods at her belly, that she’s unintentionally holding. “How are you?”

“I am... horrified,” her chuckle is mixed with deep sadness and unawareness of what really is going to happen, when the time comes.

She steps closer and her hands find their way behind his back, surprising him with sudden comfort comes into him and makes him lose all his senses. It felt like forever since she last allowed herself to hug him that tight. Well, as tight as it’s possible with her belly between them. But getting lost in his whole presence – the person who understands and always find a ways to support her no matter what, – soothing like the most mild, smooth melody that comes from the deepest corner of her soul and spreads all over her, leaving the limits of her body and radiating all around in peaceful bubble.

“It’s okay. I know it’s scary, that the date’s coming up and you’re not in control here. But I’ll be there for you,” his whispers hear so close to her.

His heart’s melting under the light of her existence.

Not a lot of people in her life keep this promise, and she lost her hope a long time ago, but maybe this time she’s really not gonna get through everything alone. At least, through the childbirth.

“Uh, actually there’s something I want to talk about,” Neil takes a seat on the foot of the bed, just across from her, getting comfortable in her new rocking chair.

She glances with curiosity at him, pressing her chin against her palm, “Sounds not so good.”

“No, it’s just... something important, but not so bad,” he reassures her, leaning with his elbows to the knees. “I know you want to keep it a secret that I’m the father for as long as you can, but... Claire, I think it’s time to accept things as they are and be open about it, ‘cause it’s already happened. I left it all on you to make a decision, but I think it should be about both of us. So, can we discuss what’s going on between us, please?”

Claire moves further, nestling on her place with her eyes now looking aside under the piercing gaze of his own, “You know why it’s all wrong...”

Shaking his head to her upsetting statement, that sounds even more hurtful and fades between their sudden distance, he cuts her off, “I tend to think it’s not so wrong, Claire,” there’s a small pause and a chance that she’s gonna say something, but she’s quiet. “You’re scared to lose your reputation at work, or hurt people you care about, or get hurt, but maybe it’s gonna be fine with us, professionally and personally. We just never give it even a try.”

“If it’s not gonna work, if _we_ are not gonna work, it’ll be even harder to make it fine... especially in parenting thing. The last thing I want is baby to watch us squabbling every now and again or, even worse, never talking to each other and never being in each other’s company again.”

“There’s always risks in every thing you do,” Neil’s eyes keep staring at her familiar form, curling in the chair with barely noticeable vulnerability in her. “And we can talk forever about what if’s, but we never know unless we try,” he shrugs, playing with his fingers.

And Claire exhales, “I know, Neil. But I’m not sure if I want to try.” She brings herself to say it as a strong wave of guilt runs up and down her body, making her shivering and swallowing sad feel of pain she just obviously inflicted on him. But now it’s still not the time for make such a life changing decisions because of already upcoming change in her life.

_Their life._

And maybe it’s right to do one thing at a time. But then why does it feel like it’s wrong?

“Do you feel something for me? Anything?” He gives her full of hope look, but she pursues her lips.

“I don’t want to ruin what we have now,” it’s true, but it’s not enough, and they both know it.

“Not even close to what I ask,” he sighs.

“That’s all I can say, sorry,” she whispers sharply and, feeling her baby’s kicks, presses her hands against her belly tightly.

Simple goodbye is the only thing he tells her before getting back home. Feeling a lot more of his loneliness in his cold and empty apartment, he locks his door finally. Moreover, the next is he’s on-call day and there’s a lot of paper work he needs to catch up on without any distractions, but in that exactly day he’d rather come to work only to save himself from thoughts about Claire and aloneness in his what happens to be a man cave after all this failed relationships.

But in that exact day his phone’s suddenly ringing with her name on the screen and every brick he made in his mind to separate so many thoughts about her falls apart. A few more seconds he needs to inhale deeply and then picks up. And that’s the most right thing he does, because out of nowhere she instantly tells him that something’s wrong and different. And it’s painful. And it had been since the night, but she still decided to go to start another residency day and wait a little more for it to stop.

But it doesn’t.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you, but...” She suddenly realizes that there’s no other person she wants to call right now.

And he only rushes to calm her down, knowing that it doesn’t really matter if he’s still mad at her after yesterday or if she feels uncomfortable to reach for him given the things she told him yesterday or, rather, never tells him still, “Claire, it’s the right thing you called me.”

He blames himself for not staying with her that night, because he wanted to sleep after a hard day with a few surgeries in raw, then helping her with building a crib and their intense talk so much. Also, because of his back, especially the spot between his shoulder blades, that was hurting after sleeping on her rough couch for the last couple of weeks.

Now she’s obviously in labor. He missed the beginning to prevent her decision to go working anyway.

And she somehow doesn’t want to go and wants to be sure it’s time, because she has “three weeks before the due date, so it’s too soon”. For her, of course. He, on the other hand, is more cautious about the symptoms she described.

There’s no way she’s going to work until she just gives birth to their child on some rounds or in the process of checking up new patients; it’s a good thing she was ordered to stop operating, because she’s heavily pregnant and it should've happened to patients' safety.

He tries to sound cool and doesn't scare her more than she obviously is, “Hey, you need to go to the hospital.”

She chuckles, but sounds nervously, “If you didn’t listen to me, I am at the hospital now.”

“Oh, no time for jokes,” he exhales. “You need to go to the hospital, where you decided to give birth to the baby,” he starts getting ready, leaving her on speakerphone.

“If that’s real contractions and not the Braxton-Hicks ones, then I still have time anyway, right? Now, it’s about...” she feels another one coming, sighing aloud and sitting down in the couch in the lounge.

“Are you okay? Claire?..” He buttons his shirts and quickly takes his phone again. “Claire?”

“Uh-um, I-I’m fine. That was... a hard one. Seven minutes between them,” she gasps, hearing nothing on the other end of the phone. “Neil?”

“So, they’re regular and it’s already seven minutes?” He says, grabbing his things and starting to put his boots on. “I don’t want to frighten you, but it’s time, Claire.”

He hears her sharp sigh, “I guess it is,” she suddenly confirms more to herself with undisguised fear in the tone of her muffled voice.

Neil gets in the car quickly, scared to hear her all bewildered like that, “Hey, I’m on my way, okay?”

“Okay,” she repeats after him.

“You need to tell Andrews or Lim and meet me at the parking lot, I’ll be there in a few.”

“Okay,” she says again, looking around for someone. “Please, don’t hang up...”

“Of course,” he reassures her. “It’s okay for you to move, Claire?”

She sighs and stands carefully, “Don’t even start that,” she groans softly and he smiles, making sure she’s alright and hearing her steps.

“Didn’t even want to.”

As she goes down the hallway, holding her phone against her ear, and feels calmer, hearing Melendez’s steady breath. She notices Andrews walking out of the patient’s ward and calls out for him to stop.

“Hold on,” she quickly warns Neil and hurries to the attending.

Andrews doesn’t even bother her with a lot of questions, just ask if she needs help to make it to her hospital and, hearing her assurance that friend’s picking her up, tells her to be careful. She’s grateful, he probably thought it’s not his business to know what friend.

“We’ll be waiting for you here as soon as you can,” he nods to her. “Good luck. Oh, and congratulations.”

She nods to Andrews smilingly and goes away as she can to pick up some things from the locker room.

She takes her phone from the pocket again, “Neil?”

“Five minutes and I’ll be there. Your hospital bag, I hope, with you?” He quickly responds to the speakerphone in his car.

“It’s in my car.”

“Good. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” she stops, feeling another contraction coming, “or maybe not,” and leans with her side to the wall of the locker room. “Again,” she only whispers to him.

“Hey, breathe, Claire. In and out,” and he starts deeply inhaling and exhaling with her, synchronizing their breaths. “Seven minutes, that’s true,” he quickly checks the watches on his hand.

It passes, and she changes and grabs her stuff immediately, then goes to her car in the parking lot to take her hospital bag that she’s been keeping there for the past three weeks.

“I hope the baby is good,” she whispers, stroking her belly carefully.

“The baby is good, I’m sure, Claire,” he tries speaking softly, but his voice is a little trembling. “Hey, I see you,” he says softly, driving closer to her car, then comes out and opens a passenger door of his car to her, pulling her bag on the backseat. “It’s gonna be okay,” and he drives to the hospital as fast as he can on the busy road.

She hates showing her weakness to others, because it’s the easiest time to hurt her whole being with getting her down. But right now she doesn’t even care, because all she could think about is that she’s going to have a baby extremely soon and her life is nothing like she imagined it’d be at the point. But the presence of Neil all the way to her final spot for a little while, hospital ward, is the only thing that makes this new experience a little better and a lot smoother. 

Dr. Lewis, absolutely calm and compassionate when it comes to any connection with her patients woman in her mid 30s who helps Claire throughout the pregnancy, walks in, pulling her gloves on, smiles politely, looking between them, “Hi, Claire, didn’t expect to meet you here so soon.”

“Me neither,” she puts a little smile on her face.

“Don’t worry, it’s totally fine. You passed 37 weeks, so your baby is ready and you are, too. Now, tell me how are you feeling?”

“It’s getting more painful. Seven minutes between contractions,” she explains, and Dr. Lewis nods understanding.

“Let’s check on how dilated you are,” Dr. Lewis puts on new gloves, as Claire takes a good examination position on the bed. “Great, it’s about six centimeters already. You’re more than halfway there.”

Her underlying groan comes out her dried out lips. She’s there about seven hours already, that feels like a few days of pain and relief and then pain again. It comes over and over again frequently with time passes. Well, it’s a good thing.

“There’s some more ice, it helps with thirst,” the nurse leaves the cup in the nightstand.

“How long will it take?” 

“It’s an active stage of labor now, so it may be more regular and quick. I hope it lasts for another six to eight hours,” Dr. Lewis checks her vitals and measures blood pressure, talking softly and calmly, giving Claire an empathetic look. “Vitals are normal. You got this, Claire. You’re doing amazing. If it’s too painful, we could offer you an epidural,” she watches her, noticing a shimmer of sweat on her forehead and her curls sticking to the skin of her face; Claire nods quickly, staring at the doctor with begging eyes, and she only smile to her patient, nodding in response. “I’ll be right back.”

“See? It’s all fine, don’t worry. And it’ll be over soon,” he strokes her palm gently, making her look at him, but it took only a moment before she curls up again, feeling a strong contraction hitting her from the inside again, as her belly’s tensed and her her eyes are closed; she squeezes his hand until all blood comes out of it and it starts turning from white to blue. But he just watches her, waits for it to be over, and doesn't try to touch her anywhere else, because he’s not sure if it’s gonna be frustrating for her rather than comfort. 

Her doctor comes with a nurse only to give her an epidural.

And that look on her face, when the med starts to work, that a little relieved gaze, that still full of pain and fears of the future, that comes too soon, but with a bit of hope and something more. He’s lost in that stare of hazel green eyes, in her movements around the ward, in her every stop, every breath catching, every moan and cry as it starts over and over again.

The sound of somebody paged on Neil’s phone storms in the silent cries of Claire and makes her look at him with her big tearful eyes, “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she’s panting. “It’s your on-call day, right?”

“Damn, I’m sorry, Claire. It's an emergency,” he looks at the screen quickly. “I can just call Lim...”

“No, please, just go, no one could do the surgery better, than you. It’s not fair to the patient, at least,” she leans back to the foot railing of her bed, placing her hand on his.

Neil nods hesitantly and wraps his arms around her carefully for a moment, feeling how she exhales in the crook of his neck and rests her palms against his back. They just stand like that for a few minutes, and then it starts again.

Claire closes her eyes and moans with this deep sound, that makes his heart skip a beat. He takes a step back only for her to grip his forearms firmly, her head’s down and her whole body is one tensed column of immeasurable power and yet loads of fears.

“Though, I hate you, Melendez,” she whispers through her clenched teeth.

He looks at her tenderly, patiently waiting for the end of contraction, as sadness’s lapping in his eyes, “I know, I’m sorry.”

“Just... come back when it’s done, deal?”

“Deal,” he looks softly at her. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, and I’m so sorry I have to leave you all alone here.”

“Oh, such a sap,” she chuckles, wiping tears from her cheeks; Neil smiles at that note. “There’re doctors and nurses here, I’m in good hands.”

“Okay,” he nods with her and brushes his lips on her cheek before going away. “Okay,” his heart feels heavy.

But the faster he comes to the hospital and performs the surgery, the sooner he’ll be back to her. It’s a little selfish thought, yes. But she’s delivering the baby they made together, so it’s fair.

She feels lonely, helplessly without him in this hard situation, but she just patiently waits for him to get here again. Her doctor continues checking on her once an hour for the next six hours. Another six hours. And she’s almost there, always almost and not fully ready for the last stage of birth. The only thing that helps her is meds, that keeps her on the level of feeling everything, but still it’s dulled.

The day slowly fades away behind the window, but she feels like it’s eternity with no start and end of day cycles. She wants to move and yet she can’t, wants to look outside the hospital, see life goes on, but only can see a slowdown of the hospital staff behind the glass wall of her ward.

“Hey, little one... please, come out,” she whispers, stuttering, carefully touching her big belly and closing her eyes. “I love you already, so much. And it’s time to meet, baby.”

She’s panting, feeling it comes again, stronger and longer with each time. It’s suddenly quiet around her, but she destroys it with her deep moan, trying to reduce the pain, and grips on the sweaty sheets of her bed. There’s no sign of time here anymore. Just pain and waiting.

But then another sound joined her empty ward, a light swing of the door in the air. A familiar firm steps of his sophisticated shoes get closer to her, and the scent of medicine and latex gloves mixed with the smell of his skin and his almost faded perfume smothers her all over again. He reaches to her hands and squeezes it softly, leaving a kiss on her forehead.

“You made it here after all,” she opens her eyes again to be sure it’s not her hallucinations.

“Of course, I did. I was so scared, that you’re going through this alone,” he whispers to her and asking only with his gaze if it’s okay to touch her back.

“The surgery went well?” Trying to get away, she whispers.

“Yes, it’s all good, but it was a little longer than I thought.”

“I’m glad you’re here anyway.”

She just moves closer, burying her face in the crook of his neck, feeling his gentle strokes on her head and back. They stay like this, without any words, for a long time, that has a lot of her contractions, but this physical connection ruins as the doctor comes to check on her again.

And suddenly, her body is ready to give birth. It’s a full dilation, and the next step is pushing.

“Claire, are you ready to go to the delivery room?” She asks softly, seeing this frightening and surprised gaze of her patient, that she already had seen a lot and even more time since she started practicing as OB/GYN.

Her hesitation is totally normal, but these long minutes she takes to take a breath and think make Dr. Lewis and Neil to get worried. But then she whispers soft “yes”, and gets involved into the most painful, emotional, and unfamiliar experience, she thought before, comes a lot later in her life or maybe even never.

“Claire, you’re doing absolutely great. Keep pushing,” the doctor encourages her. “And... okay, now relax,” she commands.

Claire tries to take the most deep breath, but there’s not enough room in her lungs to recover in the short time she gets between the pushing. Her eyes always search for Neil’s ones in the moment of rest only to feel supported, to feel better, to know that she does everything perfectly.

“Another one,” she’s hearing and tensed again, bending over a bit more and feeling one of Neil’s hands on her back and the other squeezing hers tightly. She cries out louder than before, feeling the hardest pressure and gripping everything around her with her full strength. And it takes her only four pushes to her baby finally seeing the electric light of the delivery room.

“Congratulations, it’s a girl,” Dr. Lewis tells them and places a crying baby on Claire’s chest, waiting for the umbilical cord to get extra blood to the baby before cutting.

Her shaking hands carefully hold the newborn baby on her chest, making a first skin-to-skin contact with the most amazing human being that just came into the world, “Oh my God... H-hi, love... She’s here...” She whispers, sobbing and throwing glances at Neil. “She’s here.”

“She’s here,” he repeats with shock, feeling happy tears dropping down his cheeks. “Welcome to the world, sweetie,” he places his hands on the little person’s back with the most tender motion, leaning even more closer, resting his head on Claire’s shoulder and leaving small kisses here and there. “God, she’s so tiny,” he wants to scoop them both – Claire and their newborn baby – in his arms and never let them go, creating a safe place for the most precious people in his life.

It’s the most powerful moment of pure joy and immeasurable love from the first sight in his life. His heart clenches and beats faster because of this brand-new small bundle, crying on the chest of her wonderful and amazingly strong mother.

Doctor takes their girl to clean her up and check her vitals. They just can’t take their eyes off her, waiting for her to get back. A little later, Claire slowly turns to the side, only to find Neil’s eyes, that radiate and mirror all the feelings she has, too. They look into each other’s eyes for a long minute before leaning to each other’s lips finally, feeling salty wetness from their tears.

But it’s okay. Everything’s just perfect in never right but the most perfect time.

“Thank you,” Neil whispers between their kisses for only her to hear.

Dr. Lewis approaches them again, interrupting their kissing, “She’s absolutely healthy. 19 inches; 7 lbs and 5.5 ounces,” the doctor says and places wrapped in a swaddle blanket and with a purple cap on the head newborn in Claire’s hands. “How can we call your baby girl?” She asks, cleaning Claire up and doing a couple of stitches, as the new mother, all sore and a little out of place, looks at her daughter and can’t believe it’s all real.

They’ve talked about names before, even set up a list that both of them thought as really good ones with two columns – for a girl and for a boy. But he made it clear that it’s only up to her in the end. Still, he was so excited when they finally started discussing it, that most of the names ideas in the list were offered by him and right on the first day of their searching and picking. She was only slightly surprised, already knowing about his biggest dream of having kids.

_”Isabella?” He suddenly asks as they are in the middle of movie watching, making her look at him with curiosity at first and then take her notebook from the table quickly._

_She repeats the name, tasting it on her lips and imagining a baby girl Isabella, their daughter, “I like it, but... maybe something more special, you know?“ She still writes it down on the list, rereading her previous notes, all names. “Hazel?”_

_He nods thoughtfully, “Oh, I like Octavia. She has to be born in October, so it fits. And it’s pretty rare name I think.”_

_She catches his a little lost in thoughts gaze and smiles, seeing his imagination on their future baby already playing. “We have so many names for a girl so far. You think it’s she?” Her eyebrows draw up as she looks at him, patiently waiting for his response and seeing how warm his smile making as he thinks it through._

_“Maybe. Do you think so?” He tilts his head, softly looking at her sparkling eyes._

_She only places her palm on the top of her belly, “Maybe,” she simply tells him, shrugging. “Aquila? Like the Eagle constellation,” she explains, watching him tilting the head._

_“I love it, but I think it’s more of a middle name. And is it for a boy or a girl?”_

_“Middle name, okay,” she writes it down with a small note. “And I think it can fit both. Still okay?”_

_”Yes, it’s a great name, Claire,” he nods smilingly. “How about Leonard?”_

_“Mhm, sounds pretty nice, maybe Leonardo...,” but then she stops, looking at his shrugging reaction, and realizes. “Oh my god, there it is, your geeky nature, you a trekker and a McCoy fan!” she giggles softly._

_Melendez laughs with her, watching her relaxed and happy like that gives him a lot of thoughts on all the time he’s ready to spend just makes her purely happy and carefree like now, “You got me, but it’s a cool name, what else can I say,” he only shrugs, still showing only his confidence._

_“All right, that’s a good name,” she adds the name on the list as well and notices his satisfaction._

_They didn’t finish watching movie that night._

The sound of soft cry starts faded in the nightly atmosphere of the room as Claire carefully lulls her girl in her hands. Her eyes looks closely and now more deliberately over her tiny shape, this cute little nose and chubby cheeks, pouted lips, the dark brown color of her little curls on her head and light color of her skin, something between Neil’s and hers; incredible human being, so tiny and so new she can’t even realize who does their precious baby take after the most. It’s hard to match her look with her parents’ so far. But she’s just amazing herself, individual, but, obviously, with both of their features mixed.

She’s staring at her not only to find out who she is and what should be her name, but also to memorize her features, all of her, feeling pure love and indescribable power, bursting into her heart over and over again. And then her eyes start opening, showing its beautiful bright color, that looks like this phenomenal electric greenish light, that appears in the sky near the magnetic poles. It’s a miracle, centered in those big eyes of their baby.

“Aurora Aquila Browne Melendez,” she carefully says, looking at her daughter, and then meeting her eyes with his again. “Good?”

And even with an already known list, she eventually found a way to dazzle him with her final choice, “It’s beautiful.”

He can’t believe she decided to give their baby his last name as well, because they never talked about it. For him it was obvious from the beginning, that the baby’s gonna be Browne to avoid any inappropriate questions. Also because of work, like everything in their choices.

“It’s a wonderful name,” Dr. Lewis agrees with them, smiling at the picture of a happy family, playing in front of her. “Why don’t we move you to your ward?”

Neil almost takes her in his arms only to put her carefully on a wheelchair, while she holds her baby close to her chest, worrying to hold this little bundle not too tight and to lose it in her hands.

The sweaty sheets on her hospital bed are changed and a conditioner already aired out the ward and now is turned to the normal for a newborn and a mother.

“Claire, if you have questions or need anything, just call me with this button on the panel. For now, everything looks good with you and the baby, so I’ll give you some privacy.”

They settle down, feeling completely out of energy and noticing that it suddenly reminds of whole new world. It’s feels like they’re already here for ages, and yet like it only minutes pass. A promising silence between them makes them notice a beauty of being together, away from everyone and everything, when the only sound of the baby’s small cry announces a new chapter of Claire’s existence, as the night is starting to fade away slowly, making the sky change its color from deep navy blue to the greyish one with few light brushstrokes of sunrise coral, peach and yellow color with white feathers of clouds and the natural sky color, pushing past all these early morning lights.

“I don’t remember if I ever told you that, but, hey, you rocked it,” he lovingly glances at both, Claire and Aurora.

“Can you believe it? We made her, and she’s... a real person,” with her tired eyes, Claire looks at sleepy Aurora in her arms, shivering at every movement of her tiny body.

Neil chuckles softly, tentatively kissing her temple, “She is _so_ real.”

“Uh, sorry, I just realized that you haven’t held her yet. Do you want to?”

Aurora’s crying softly in her arms, frowning and definitely not knowing, why she left her mother’s womb, the most warm and comfortable place she started growing in.

“Yes,” the only sound he could make is whisper, looking at this little bundle in Claire’s natural embrace for the little one.

She carefully places Aurora in his big, a little shivering and still unsure arms. But he, with the most careful moves, scoops their daughter in his hands, and it just feels right. Like every part of the peace that was missing from his life, he finally gets into its places and gives him a feel of contentment, long-awaited fullness, warming his heart and making him smile like an idiot. His hands slowly cradle this sweetest little lump of an unknownness. And a future ahead of her, her whole life, the happiest and full of love, incredible life, that they want to give her.

As he moves with Aurora in his hands, pressed to his chest, carefully, her cries start to fade away as she watches with her green, still not ready to open fully yet already hypnotized by him, eyes.

Claire’s hand rests on the bundle in his arms, “She loves her daddy,” her whispering shakes him to his very soul, as his thumb very gently touches a satin, fragile skin of Aurora’s cheek. Tiny girl starts babbling, but as Claire kisses her in the head and strokes her small body through the blanket’s fabric, the baby slowly eases her little cries and looks with her big eyes at her parents, leaning down, closer to her face.

“She absolutely loves her mama, too,” his lips find Claire’s still a little sweaty temple and place a long kiss here, while his eyes close from the sudden feeling of peace.

“Maybe it’s a good thing if you stay with us,” Claire says carefully, glancing at his joyful face.

He looks over at her tired, but finally peaceful face, her glimmering and blushing skin, these dark shadows under her beautiful, loving eyes, that looks at him.

Without any hesitation, he says, “I’m sure it is.”

She leaves a brief kiss on his neck, the place she could reach without moving from her perfect spot beside him, feeling overwhelmed and worn out at the same time. They’re gonna keep it quiet to make it work. There’s no rush, and their little new family needs it to be easy on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about it?
> 
> I would really like to read your thoughts on the chapter, so don’t forget to leave a comment, I like them all and I appreciate any response from you:)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for such a long waiting, but it’s here now. Thank you for being so patient:)
> 
> I hope you’ll forgive me if there’s any typos in the chapter. Enjoy!

Neil can’t take his eyes off the tiny person that turns out to be the easiest one to love and never wants to leave her side. Bonding is the most important thing in relationships with newborn, and he thought that it should be really tough to get this connection, and it scares him a lot, because he wasn’t near Claire all the time and, trying not to overstep in their already complicated kind of friendship, never touched her belly or felt the baby’s kicks, though he always watched her holding the belly and stroking it gently most of the time. But he was a little out of place, wanted to give her space and never cross her boundaries, the only exception was a usual massage, but her belly just always was a no-touch part of her body. They never talked about it, and he just made this conclusion himself. Maybe, he was just afraid to scare her with what seemed to be an easy question and move.

Now, he’s a little sad about the missed opportunity of feeling the baby earlier, but holding her closer to his chest, feeling her pleasant weight in his arms is the most helping thing to realize how many feelings he has in his pounding with pure love heart for this little miracle and that it’ll never end.

Noticing she starts waking up after not so long rest and looking at her eyelids flutter slightly and her beautiful green eyes showing out again, he joyfully smiles at her, feeling proud to know that she’s his daughter. _Claire and his_ daughter. He watches her, finding pleasure in the moment of peace and feeling himself complete finally.

Aurora’s eyes catch his gaze, and she suddenly wrinkles her nose like Claire sometimes does, and it makes him scoff at this sweet scene where she looks so much like her mother, like her little copy.

“You are the cutest, huh?” He whispers to her and slightly leans down to leave a soft kiss on the top of her little nose and then on her cheek, feeling a velvet skin under his lips.

“She _is_ the cutest.”

“How are you feeling? Sleep well?” He asks immediately, reaching out to take her hand.

Claire squeezes it gently and then holds her arms out to take the baby girl in her embrace, “It’s all good. Thank you, but you need to rest, too, Neil,” she looks over his tired, yet glowing happy face. “By the way, don’t you need to be at work today?”

“Nah, took my sick days yesterday,” he says and then squinting his eyes, looking at her suspiciously. “Wanna get rid of me already?”

Claire grows serious suddenly, “Of course not,” she wants to say something else, but can’t find a word to express how thankful she is to him for staying here, with them, and doing everything possible to make her get her rest after delivering the baby, and feel comfortable.

“I know, Claire,” he watches her gently placing Aurora on the skin of her chest and covering them with her swaddle blanket.

She shifts carefully, tilting her head to look at the sleepy face of her little one and making sure her baby is in proper warmth against her skin and under the cover, and rests her hands on her back. The feel of her tiny body makes Claire shiver a little because of the strong fear of not being good for her as a mom, not being enough. Fail again and hurt her, like her mother did.

“I love you so much, baby,” kissing the top of her head, she whispers for Aurora to not only feel her mother’s love, but also hear about it and know it for sure. “You should try it, too. Skin to skin contact,” her green eyes, full of worry, dart to his. “She needs to know that she is loved and important and there’s enough people to take care of her. And it should help her to bond with both of us... Does it sound too much?” Claire looks at him with confusion and fear.

“No, it’s okay. I know what you are talking about, sweetheart,” Neil nods, giving her an empathetic look, without words capturing her feelings and thoughts on the connection between the baby and the parents and the lack of it in her own childhood. He leans closer to place a tender kiss on the crown of Aurora’s head with little rare dark curls, smelling her amazing baby scent, and then lifts his face, finding himself like an inch away from her face. His gentle smile makes her loosen up a little and she makes this step first, reducing the small distance between them and finally meets his lips with hers, showing her commitment and proving that it was real when they kissed just after their baby’s born, and now it’s heartfelt and true.

Neil’s fingers tangle with her soft curls, moving her face a little closer to deepen their kiss, relishing the moment of this loving connection and sharing the fondness with each other. Claire can feel the adoration in every move of his hand in her hair, his soft lips on hers, his warmth all over them like a shield. She missed this so much. She missed him, that’s the only thought that occupies her mind.

And then, they hear a starting cry just under their heads, and it makes them separate instantly to look at their baby.

“Hey, what is it, love?” Claire’s motherly soft voice mixed with her labored breath sounds pleasantly and makes him smile hugely at this. “I think Aurora wants to eat,” she says to him and gets another brief kiss from Neil, but this time on her temple, and their daughter makes a noise between a sobbing weep and an annoyed whimper.

“Or maybe she just doesn’t like us kissing,” he offers scoffing, and Claire giggles lightly at this.

He strokes the baby’s back a little before Claire moves her to the crook of her elbow and helps her to latch on her nipple, feeling Neil’s gaze on them and noticing the contented smile with corners of her eyes. She’s a little self-conscious about it, but having him here with her is comforting, so there’s no way she wants him to go. But he simply nods, seeing her heating cheeks and unsure glances she throws at him, and takes a seat on the familiar armchair with his eyes looking not at her directly. And it’s hard, because he never seen something as natural and beautiful as the mother breastfeeding his baby. _Their amazingly sweet baby girl_.

The feeding session lasts for about quarter of an hour, and then Aurora moves her head to the side a little, frowning immediately, and wants to start crying, but only releases a few sobs before her mama places her comfortable on her chest and Neil helps to cover a blanket over them.

And Claire chuckles softly, noticing Aurora is asleep already, “That’s it? She’s just out?”

“She’s full, warm and loved, and her mama holds her close. I think that's enough for her to fall asleep,” Neil shrugs, and this half-grinning happy emotion makes Claire feel a warm flutter inside her.

She tilts her head in amusement, “Such a sap,” she chuckles softly and abrupts suddenly as his hand touches her shoulder gently. “Come here?” She pats the place next to her, shifting a little to make more space on her hospital bed.

There’s no need to repeat her offer. Neil gets off his boots and moves on the bed to lay down on the side, feeling her pressing to his chest and placing his arm over them both – Claire and Aurora, the sleeping little bundle on her mother’s chest with her tiny hand, pulled out the blanket and lightly tangled in one strand of Claire’s curls. He carefully catches her miniature palm and it immediately curls around his index finger, making his heart pounding with love and excitement of this never knowing feeling of such a simple but incredible gesture from the little human being. Their daughter. Leaning down to the place where they touched, Melendez kisses his girl’s small chubby palm, feeling the softest skin of it and scaring to injure it somehow, because it seems so fragile, so delicate and new to everything in this huge world around her, that now consists only of her mommy, daddy and the hospital ward.

“Aurora is the easiest to love,” Claire leaves another longing kiss on the baby’s head, deliberately holding her and stroking her back in a soothing way.

“I’m not the only sap here,” his smugly face makes her scoff again and this time she leans into the kiss with him. “I think we should probably talk.” 

“I know,” she exhales. “I don’t want to be pushy, but...”

“You just stole my line, Claire,” his soft scoffing sounds somehow comfortingly. “Okay, we should agree that we’re both pushy and already rushed things to the moon.”

“It was reckless. But I wouldn’t change a thing,” she shifts her hand to squeeze his and looks into his sparkling brown eyes. “Well, maybe I would kiss you more,” her voice fades within a seconds as her lips find it way to touch his with unspoken promise. “I don’t know what we’re gonna do with the hospital policy. The board will be pissed off. Glassman and Lim, probably, too.”

“Screw ‘em. We’re not the first ones and we’re definitely not the last. It happens. And we tried to ignore it but there’s nothing good about it,” Neil says. “We still have time before your comeback anyway. I think I should talk to Audrey. She won’t be happy, but may suggest how to make everything work for us,”

“Okay,” Claire nods hesitantly. “Do you want to stay in my apartment for a while? I mean, Aurora and I could use some help.”

“If I’ll be allowed to sleep on the bed instead of the couch,” he chuckles, hearing her soft laugh.

“We’ll see,” she grins.

The door in their ward opens carefully and, looking around and ask if it’s okay for him to come in, the doctor gets a simple nod from both of them and approaches the hospital bed. Neil stands up quickly and holds out for a handshake as Claire wrapped her robe around her body again.

“Hi, Claire and Neil, I’m Dr. Clarkson, a pediatrician. I will do a full examination of your baby to be sure she’s completely fine before discharging,” he shakes Claire’s hand too, after she finally places awakening Aurora in the bassinet.

“Nice to meet you,” she smiles.

“How are you and your baby girl doing?”

“I’m good, and I hope Aurora’s too. It still feels so new, but she seems fine so far.”

“That’s great,” he says smilingly and waits for Claire to put the baby in the bassinet for an exam. “Did you breastfeed her already?”

Dr. Clarkson starts uncovering the baby as Neil comes closer and helps with it, even though the doctor doesn’t need it, but lets it happen understandably.

Claire can’t take her eyes of her daughter, “Yes, but she still gets used to it, I guess, and I don’t know if it was enough every time.”

“It’s okay. She knows when it’s enough, and in the next few days she’ll ask for more frequent feedings, so don’t worry about it.” 

It’s a common physical examination for the doctor. He checks the baby’s eyes, ears, joints and bones in her little body for any malformations, moving carefully but quickly because it’s a usual thing for him, as Aurora shifts under his touches and makes disgruntled sounds, but becomes more calm when Claire starts cooing above her and holding her tiny hand supportingly and empathetically.

“Hey, Aurora, it’s almost over, okay? Just a couple more things, baby,” Dr. Clarkson whispers with his voice a little higher and takes out his stethoscope.

Claire just keeps looking at her baby, following his every move and noticing Neil’s hand strokes Aurora’s head in a calming way. Dr. Clarkson takes more time to hear her breathing and check on her heart beating closely, using a small monitor with its sensor wrapped around the baby’s hand and foot. The sudden frown on the doctor’s face that comes out of nowhere makes Melendez swallow nervously when his stomach drops.

“What’s wrong?” He asks almost breathlessly, still seeing this very uncommon – he thinks – emotion on Clarkson’s face.

The pediatrician removes the sensor and looks at Neil finally, “Her heartbeat is a little rapid, so is her breathing. We should do the echocardiogram to know if it’s her still adjusting to the world or there’s a problem in her vitals,” he explains patiently, checking on the chart with Claire’s information. “You don’t need to worry about these results right now. All your checkups showed that everything’s fine with the baby before. So, there may be no harm.”

“Do the echo,” Claire looks with a strong fear and confidence in her green eyes and covers her girl with a blanket carefully.

He’s paging someone and then getting an immediate response, smiling a little to comfort the anxious couple. “It’s available now, so let’s go,” Dr. Clarkson offers and takes the lead, as Neil helps Claire to stand, exchanging a quick yet powerful hug with her, and wheels the bassinet, feeling Claire’s fingers tangle with his and squeeze them.

Neil knows enough about heart disease that might have a newborn with this result of pulse oximetry screening, but he just can’t even think about relating any possible diagnosis with his little girl. And Claire’s hand, holding him tight, makes him nervous even more. The last thing he wants is her to be scared so much again, to think that it might be her fault as he thinks about himself right now, but it’s nobody’s fault, because they did nothing wrong.

It was all fine, but suddenly it starts ruining again.

They walk in the room with the echocardiography and Dr. Clarkson wheels the bassinet in the perfect spot near the machine, putting on new gloves and offering them both a sit. But they don’t want to move any further from Aurora, so helpless and with her red face as she starts crying, unable to understand what’s going on and why her mommy and daddy are not that close as they were a little while ago.

Claire’s heart skips a beat as she nervously plays with her knuckles, feeling for their little baby. And she doesn’t notice any more pain that still is burning all over her bottom.

He moves the device on her small chest, inspecting the image on the screen meticulously, and purses his lips, making Claire shiver and look at the picture herself. She is a doctor, too, and she knows what that means.

“I’m sorry to say that, but there are holes between the chambers and valves are formed incorrectly in her heart. It’s a complete atrioventricular canal defect. And this hole is likely not repairable with a catheterization, it’s too big for it,” he points at the screen, explaining things they both know very well but could never think it’s gonna be their child who had it. “She will need surgery as soon as possible, or her heart might fall down in the next weeks.”

“She is too small for a surgery,” Neil exhales, knowing that there’s no way they are gonna just wait for her to grow and expect her heart’s falling at any time.

“It’s a necessary treatment for her state. Now she’s doing alright and her heart works its best, but it’s not enough. So, the option is to do the surgery within the next few days or there’s gonna be more complications later. You are surgeons, right?” Clarkson finishes the exam and sees them nodding to his question. “Then, you should know better than me. We have a great pediatric surgeon in our department who will be able to do it tomorrow,” Dr. Clarkson says, wiping the gel off the baby’s chest. “Or you can contact the hospital you work in, if this option is more comfortable for you. We can help you with transfer if you do,” he suggests, carefully covering the baby with the blanket.

Claire meets Neil’s scared gaze, knowing he is completely shocked with all this information and doesn’t know how to make it all good for the baby. And what is good for her in this situation. He feels her hand squeezes his tightly and hears her uncertain tone, “Can we think about it?”

“Of course. It’s not an easy decision, and you need to be totally sure in the doctor and the hospital you choose for this,” Clarkson nods empathetically as the nurse comes in. “We should run some more tests, do MRI and chest X-ray scans, if you don’t mind, all results will be useful for the surgeon. So you could wait in the hall or return to the ward.”

The nurse wheels out the bassinet with Aurora as Dr. Clarkson follows her, looking in the baby’s chart and making some small notations on the way to the next cabinet. Claire and Neil, still processing things, come after them and stops at the closing door that separates the couple from their baby, who’s barely audible cry makes Claire’s heart sink with growing anxiety inside her.

She notices Neil’s bewildered look that is locked on the closed door in front of him. With no words, she leans in to him and wraps her hands around his body, feeling its tension and his fearful energy that almost winds her off her feet as he exhales and holds her closer. His cheek rests against the crown of her head, and she can tell his exhaustion mixed with a distress brings him down at the most unexpected and difficult moment of his life and still he has a strength to support her and show her his care through the intense hug before they finally leave the space and made their way to to the MRI room.

“Please, call Lim,” she whispers near his chest.

He caresses her cheek, making her look up at him as he says, “We’re gonna have to explain everyth...”

But she cuts him off immediately, “I don’t care. She can help. I want them to do the surgery, it’s safer in St. Bonaventure,” Claire’s green, glowing with tears gaze into his and he nods quickly, running his hand down her back and bringing her closer into his embrace again that makes her sob. “I’m so sorry,” she says breathlessly.

“What are you sorry for?”

“I did something wrong and now she’s...”

“What? You did nothing wrong. You know statistics, it happens and there’s nothing you could do to prevent it,” he comforts her in disbelief.

How could she even think it’s on her what happened to their newborn baby?

“Claire?”

“I know, I know it. Just... It scares, and it feels so much more than just a well known diagnosis that some babies are born with. Because it’s _my_ baby,” she whispers.

The only response Neil can give to this totally understandable confession is a simple bending of his head to lean into the crook of her neck. Now, it feels right to use every chance he could to hold her closer and be there for her when he knows that she’s there for him too.

After a moment he finally speaks, “Aurora is gonna be fine. We’ll make sure they’re taking good care of her.”

Rubbing her back slowly, he feels her weakness and obvious hurting; she still never took a chance to start healing after finishing the hardest work, childbirth, using her seems endless for Neil strength that helped her get through it and amazed him again. Claire carefully sits down to the bench, feeling useless in the situation where she can be only a mother, not a surgeon. Neil lowers himself down as well, getting out his phone.

He waits a few line rings, that feel like never ending ones, and then hears her voice finally, “Oh, hi, Neil, it’s good that you called. We have a patient that wants you to lead his case, so I was just gonna ask if you feel better and would be able to come back in tomorrow,” she informs him quickly, 

“Well, it seems like I will come back rather sooner,” he chokes sadly. “Audrey, I need your help,” his hand runs down the back of his head.

He can swear she’s frowning, “Hey, what happened?”

“It’s my daughter. She was diagnosed with complete atrioventricular canal defect just a few hours after birth. Catheterization is not an option in this case, she needs a surgery,” he explains, trying to sound less like an anxious daddy and more like a doctor himself, but he can’t because it’s his little girl who suffered this.

He feels Claire’s hand that takes his own and starts stroking it with her thumb mostly unintentionally, and he lifts it up to leave a kiss on her palm, looking at her nervous lip biting.

“What? Your daughter? I mean, when did you...” She suddenly falls silent for a few moments and holds her breath; he even thinks for a moment that she’s not on the line anymore until he hears her again. “Oh, Neil,” her deep inhale and exhale make him shiver as it does her upset tone. “I’m sorry for your and _Claire’s_ daughter,” she quickly figures out how it's possible that her friend is a father already.

“I know. We’ll discuss everything later. The most important thing right now... if you’ll be able to help our baby?”

“Of course, but she’s just born, it should be a very neat work with her little heart and there’s a lot of risks, Neil,” she explains, making him worry if she would decline the case.

“Audrey, we’re well aware of risks.”

“Why don’t you want to do the surgery in the hospital you are in now? They have a good neonatal surgeon there.”

“We trust you and we know all our team, so it’s better to do that there. That’s what Claire insists on, and I fully agree with her.”

“Okay, then. Make sure you’ll get all of the test results and Claire and the baby’s charts. We’re gonna meet you at the ER.”

Neil exhales, leaning with his forehead on Claire’s palm, “Thank you. We’ll agree on transfer and be there soon.”

He was just about to hang up, but then he hears one of his closest friend’s voices again, “See you, then,” Melendez exchanges goodbyes with Lim and simply nods to Claire, never ready to what’s gonna happen later.

Within a few minutes Neil stays alone next to the cabinet, waiting for their daughter’s tests finish, as Dr. Lewis takes Claire to the ward for the last checkup before them heading out to the other hospital, making sure there’s no sign of anything going wrong with her body and prescribing some meds to release the pain. There’s no need for him to go with her, and he just leans back to the wall, watching new moms and dads walking around with their babies in their hands, some of them just standing next to the nursery’s window, watching newborns sleeping and resting in the hospital baskets.

And he notices a couple that sits at the end of a hall, just near the door that leads to OR’s, he guessed; they don’t talk, or cry, just keep their dull stares on the random point before them. Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, but so far away in their minds. Their expressions change in a moment as the door opens and the doctor comes out, clasping his palms too tight that Neil doesn’t need to hear what he’s saying, he just knows, because Melendez did the same thing when his patient’s didn’t make it. Watching the woman make a small sound in disbelief and hold out her hands to find something that keeps her from falling as her knees buckle, and the man turns around and bends his head down, like there’s nothing left, it hits Neil to the deepest room in his heart.

Melendez doesn’t even notice at first that he holds his breath for a too long time and starts panting right after him inhaling and getting up too quickly, unable to bear the painful reaction of the parents that just lost their baby anymore. Rubbing his neck hard, he suddenly realized that he hasn't slept in the last 30 hours and still, he’s sure there’s no way he can sleep, knowing their baby has an upcoming surgery and there’s not one hundred percent guarantee that...

“Dr. Melendez,” he hears Dr. Clarkson’s voice and his gaze finds Aurora in the bassinet instantly. “Have you decided already?”

Neil frowns just for a second and then exhales, “Yes, Claire and I want to go to the St. Bonaventure hospital. They know that we’ll come there,” he explains and gets an understandable nod from the doctor.

“Good. I added all scans to Aurora’s chart, and I make sure the lab will send test results straight to the hospital,” he smiles politely and takes out his phone to make a page. “The ambulance will wait for you at the entrance in a few,” he announces.

“Thank you, and sorry we don't stay,” Neil reaches out for the baby now sleeping soundly.

“It’s totally fine, the best thing we can do is to be sure our little patients get the best care even if it’s not in our hospital,” Clarkson says, giving the chart to Neil. “I’m sure it’s gonna be fine, she’s a strong girl,” the doctor looks to Aurora, who slightly shifts her small hands in her sleep as Neil strokes her body gently.

“Thank you,” he repeats, exchanging a handshake before heading to the ward with Aurora.

Neil sees Claire scrupulously checking her bag, already in her clothes, but looks like she’s not ready to go, “All set?”

She trembles at the sudden sound of his soft voice behind her and turn around, watching him taking Aurora out of the bassinet and carefully bringing her tiny body to his chest. His lips immediately find the baby’s head almost unintentionally.

“She’s a fighter, just like her mommy. She’ll get through it,” he whispers to Claire, seeing her frozen gaze and meets her slightly glassy green eyes as she nods, trying to repeat his words in her mind to them stuck in there and make her believe in it, despite all the scaring ‘what if’s.

Claire’s hands hold out to take the baby and he places Aurora gently in her embrace, lingering his palm on the little bundle for a little more. Then, he takes his jacket and her bag, walking out with his girls and hoping this is a right decision for them to go to the hospital where they know everybody and where everybody knows them. These unsaid words about their another mutual fear for what’s gonna happen when everyone there will know about the biggest secret they kept for so long and didn’t plan on telling it so soon.

But the ambulance, driving them fast to the familiar place, makes them both think about the words they should tell the colleagues, but nothing sounds even close to okay for the situation. Claire leans to his shoulder for a few seconds, holding awakening and starting crying Aurora in her hands and biting the inside of her left cheek in almost frenzied fear, and feels his arm moves around her tenderly. She wishes this moment to last, but the door of the ambulance opens, making them shiver and exchange the mirroring look before head out.

“Female newborn, stable. Diagnosis is complete atrioventricular canal defect, needs a heart surgery,” the ambulance woman states as they walk in the ER past her, meeting Lim, Shaun and Morgan at the door. “There’s all the information,” she holds out Claire and the baby’s charts to Lim.

“Great, thanks,” Audrey says to the ambulance woman and slips her gaze to Neil and Claire. “You two are unbelievable,” her eyebrows draw in a soft way as she tilts her head, making them smile lightly. “Let’s help your baby,” she leads them to the closest bay, taking on new gloves on the way.

And if Shaun looks more then curious to find out about Dr. Melendez and Claire’s baby everything he can and be involved in such a great case in terms of the opportunity for a resident, Morgan’s cold blue eyes looks at Claire in disbelief that she could engage herself in this stupid kind of situation and was dishonest with everybody, including her. And as Browne notices that gaze, Reznick stops staring, pursuing her lips, and for the next hours she doesn’t look at Claire again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t forget to leave a comment. I’d like to know what do you think about the chapter:)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took me ages to write this chapter. I hope, there’re still some readers here, who waits for it and wants to know what’s gonna happen. Thank you all for waiting, support and faith in me and my work! You don’t even know how much I appreciate all of your likes, comments and just readings.
> 
> Please, enjoy! And I’d be very pleased if you share your thoughts on it in the comment section:)

“We’re going to use a two-patch technique to close the holes in a patient's heart, have any of you done something like that before?” Dr. Massimo Bianchi holds the virtual reality headset, ready to elaborate on the procedure for Aurora’s heart and giving the residents looks.

The skills lab is full of doctors, who are watching this young and very ambitious cardiothoracic surgeon – yet with the ego smaller than Melendez’s as everyone can notice and glances at him, listening to the plan from afar, every now and again. They never get a chance to work with or even talk to Bianchi who’s working in the hospital for four years already. But from what they see now it’s gonna be a challenging opportunity mostly because of a not so easy surgery for fourth-year residents but it’s a great chance for them to show what they are capable of and how they accumulate surgeries with new people.

But Melendez, who keeps following the doctor and watches his every test and examination on the baby before considering the most eligible surgical plan, can’t fully accept the fact that he’s not being able to help his baby on his own. And this eating feeling of guilt because of his helplessness makes him even more worried about the upcoming procedure. Audrey made it clear that there’s no way they let him be near the OR this time, not inside it, not even watching from the gallery. The rage yet understanding of the situation irritates him, but he knows all about the hospital policy and, despite the fact that he’s obviously the best cardiothoracic surgeon and able to make the procedure on its greatest quality, he’s also a father, loving his newborn baby eternally. Neil just can’t do it, and that’s humiliating and frustrating at the same time.

But looking at his daughter’s doctor, seeing him ready for training alongside the residents to improve the procedure and their knowledge about it and be sure in every step during the real one, it’s reassuring a little. The residents are focused, but look a little restrained, but Bianchi is patient with them, and that’s a good approach to make their team work great in this new situation and in the complex case.

“Yes. Persephone had a birth defect of her heart and we fixed it, but then the blood pressure was high because there was no outflow to the other side of the heart, so we made a defect that works only when it needs to. Claire called it an unlatched door,” Shaun states, looking a little upset and others just remembered that this day he was booted off the residency by Dr. Han because of the lack of his now improving communication skills.

“Also, Shaun and I worked on the boy from Congo who has severe congenital heart anomalies a few years ago. We elaborate on his idea of moving mitral valve to the reattachment point,” Neil crosses his hands on the chest.

Shaun makes a sly smile, “That was fun.”

Bianchi raises the eyebrow.

“Yeah, he says fun and means interesting,” Melendez explains to Dr. Bianchi, seeing his curious and suspicious gaze. “Dr. Reznick and Dr. Park also have worked on the baby’s cases with me, but it was different procedures. Though I’m sure in their capabilities to make it all just fine this time as well,” he nods simply to them, knowing these words means a lot, especially when it comes to that king of surgery and not of anyone but his baby. Morgan looks at him, still having this suspicion in her gaze and slight annoyance, but he just hopes it won’t affect the baby nor Claire, already anxious and hurting for Aurora. The last thing she needs is Morgan’s returning cutthroat and cranky energy right now.

“So, the kids are experienced, huh?”

The residents exhale loudly, but grow smiles, noticing Massimo’s amused grin. Melendez lets out a small chuckle, looking again at Morgan with her chin up, Park with his certain expression and Shaun, well, with his own lightly smiley and so excited face. Shaking his head, he just prays for this bunch of people to make it all okay for his baby.

The doctor chuckles along with the others and they seem like putting their guard down with him, continuing to discuss their experience. Melendez thinks it’s a lot of doctors on that kind of procedure even though it’s hard and they’re just residents, but on the inside, he’s just grateful for all of them helping his daughter without fully showing their real feelings on the weird things happening in their attending and the other resident’s life. But he’s ready for the talk that comes eventually, just not now. Not when Aurora is still suffering and they’re just discussing possible ways to repair her heart, there’s no way he’s gonna step in before the surgery and starts this not so easy explanation of the biggest change in his and Claire’s lives with them.

“Okay, that’s all I wanted to know,” he smiles lightly and shows the images of the baby’s heart on the screen. “Although, I heard a lot of good things about you, so it’s gonna be a great opportunity to work together. And it’s gonna be a useful experience for you,” Bianchi looks at their still slightly restrained reaction. “Oh, and I won’t be all creepy professor on you. I dread to think about my first mentor at SF Muni,” he rolls his eyes, seeing their amusement and glances.

“And you won’t be breathing down our necks like Dr. Melendez?”

They all turn to see Shaun’s I-am-using-sarcasm kind of expression, looking funny and proud.

Bianchi scoffs, “Maybe a little.”

Shaun clasps his hands next to his chest, still looking around in excitement.

“Don’t be so happy about it, Shaun. Dr. Melendez’s still here, we’re gonna get plenty of it from himself,” Park says, making their superior roll his eyes.

Melendez throws an ironic gaze at Audrey, squinting his lips a little, and she looks at him with enjoyment of this small teasing from his residents.

“Anyway, I expect us to work together as a team and find a good elaboration for the technique to fix Aurora’s heart,” he says to the residents and notice them smile in all excitement and concern at once, throwing glances at Melendez, who keeps his head down only for a few seconds and then looking at the screen with unsuccessful covered under seriousness anxiety. “I hope we’re past this first meeting awkwardness, because we need to work quickly and at our best. And I want to assure you that your ideas have something good, even some not so impressive, because all of them help us move forward and reach the best point we can,” he explains and adds the 3D-model of the heart on the other screen. “Let’s get the party started, right?”

He smiles at them and suggests to get closer and look at the scans more thoroughly.

“The most challenging part is the closure of the cleft without everting the edges of it after making a patch. And the size of heart is not helping.” 

“You have to separate the valve in two, and it seems like reconstruction might be difficult because of its thinness on this side,” concentrating on the case and cautiously studying the image, Melendez points at the screen, making Bianchi nod. “There’s a chance you’d not control the bleed during surgery. But if you use a whole new valve that could be a safe choice.”

“What if we replace only this fragment of the valve and then make a separation?”

Bianchi shows more scans as Morgan approaches him, pointing at the defects and trying to suggest what might minimize risks during procedure, listening to his following improvement and then starting a conversation with residents.

“It could help us to improve the blood flow, but I don’t know if a new piece could work fine with the whole segment that you plan to separate. Actually, maybe you could separate first, just using the right approach?” Neil offers.

“And then replace the thinnest fragments if they don’t hold,” Bianchi looks at the scans, still unsure. “We should try this one and Morgan’s plan, too. See, if we find the best approach,” his concerned gaze lays on Melendez and he tries to reassure him, just nodding quickly and sympathetically, thinking how it must’ve been hard to think of the best surgical plan for his own baby girl.

Sighing and closing his eyes for a moment, Melendez gives his consent to elaborate some ideas. Neil looks at Audrey following him and closing the door behind them for a moment, pursuing his lips, “Okay, I just keep thinking that it could be worse.”

Audrey only rolls her eyes, “Bianchi is the best cardiothoracic surgeon here besides you, so be grateful he agreed to work on this case. Yeah, he seems relaxed and fun, but he knows what he’s doing,” she looks through the glass wall at the doctor who shows the residents more scans and then suggests to train on the 3D-model of Aurora’s heart to know what to expect when it comes to the real surgery. There’s no doubt he’s gonna make it all good, Audrey’s certain. “I’ll be standing next to him in the OR, only for your comfort.”

“Thanks,” he sighs, studying the screen with the starting attempt of the training surgery they’re all doing in VR. “And, please, make sure Reznick, Park and Murphy are focused on the procedure. Not on the gossiping about me and Claire.”

Audrey meets his dark eyes with her sympathetic gaze, “Murphy gossiping? Not sure about that, but of course. There’s a lot to discuss, though.”

“I know,” his exhale and slight head bending, but then his upset eyes on hers again, it’s all enough for her to not start the conversation just now. “Did you talk to Claire?”

“Not about you. Just a small talk about her state and the baby’s. She seems restless and exhausted as hell,” she studies him. “You both are,” she adds quickly, tilting her head and giving him a concerned look.

“Well, Claire just had a baby about twelve hours ago and I haven’t slept yet,” he shrugs, seeing her disgruntlement with that answer. “But we’re not planning on getting some rest any time soon. Not when there’s a surgery coming sooner rather than later. Even though Dr. Garcia put Claire in the maternity ward, she’s agitated and can’t take her eyes off Aurora.”

Audrey shakes her head, knowing they both are not gonna listen to her anyway, “Stubborn. But that’s understandable.”

The small silence sounds like the most appropriate response.

“Just page me when they finish discussion,” Neil sighs, knowing he can’t be everywhere and now he has a priority – still weak and god so scared Claire and their daughter who don’t understand why she’s on the baby’s hospital bed with those wires and not in her mama’s arms.

“Go, it’s all under control here,” she nods to him, noticing nothing less than a strong fear on his face that he unsuccessfully tries to hide and placing her hand on his shoulder for a mere second, and then follows him with her gaze as he disappears at the end of the corridor.

Still seeing the image of his baby’s scans in the head, he can’t help but think about other ways that could work, but his brain keeps giving him only scaring thoughts about complications and her, so small and unprotected, on the operating table. His own heart skips a bit every time this thought occupies his mind.

And then he finally reaches the ward, noticing her unsettled form on the edge of her bed, with her bare feet and shivering skin that she doesn’t even care about, just to be closer to the crib in front of her and the tiny figure inside it. The only sound there is unmatched beeping of two monitors and one of them is rapid, but the vitals of both girls seem stable.

Claire’s hand lingers on her baby’s stomach, fighting the urge of just lifting her up and shielding her securely with her arms from the scariest destiny Aurora got. Her eyes keeps glancing at the monitor from time to time, only to reassure herself that her baby’s vitals are stable, even though they are not perfectly normal. And that makes her heart sink with her helplessness in the situation.

“He’s gonna use a two-patch technique. They’re training for it on the 3D-model of her heart,” he explains everything they ended up on at the moment.

Claire whispers, rubbing tiny circles on the baby’s palm with her thumb, “I hope it’s gonna work. Sounds okay for now.”

“Yes, it actually does. I know Bianchi is not me, but he’s pretty cool in this kinds of surgeries. And he already did it before.”

“I read his publication about a similar case last year. He’s doing a great job in cardiothoracic, I guess,” she looks at his softened face finally and smiles slightly. “Though, I agree. He’s not you.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. And it’s unnecessary that they put me in the hospital ward again, I feel like I take somebody else’s place. Somebody, who might be in a worse state than me after delivery. And they gave the IV meds, which I’m not sure I needed, because it’s okay with me. I’m totally fine,” 

“Well, the more often you say you’re fine the more everyone realizes you’re actually not,” he cocks his head and takes a seat next to her on the bed.

“Doctors make the worst patients, huh?” She glances at him with a knowing grin.

His gentle chuckle and his tender hand next to hers on the crib rail warms her heart, “Especially you,” his stare softens even more, seeing a fond expression in her tired green eyes, covered by her eyelids every now and again in an increasing way. “I know there’s no point in trying to make you rest for a little while, but... I mean, I’m here, right? It’s okay if you’d want to catch up on some sleep. I’ll be here anyway,” he glances between her and sleeping Aurora before reaching out his hand to touch her pudgy cheek carefully.

But Claire’s face suddenly changes to scared and she quickly shakes her head, refusing his suggestion. And as she tightens her grip on Aurora’s arm, refusing to let her go, he can tell by this simple gesture and her frightened gaze that there’s only one thing on her mind, her greatest fear, that was not that materialistic before. But now, holding her suffering baby’s hand she promises to always be there for, because no one else was there for Claire.

“You are not her, Claire,” Neil whispers, noticing how she bits on the inside of her cheek and purses her lips to stop herself from falling down. “You never was and you never will be like _your mother_.”

It feels like all the air leaves her lungs in one second and the frustrating thoughts push into her a little light after meds head and her whole weak body. From the beginning, she can’t help but think about what a lousy mom she must've been. Still living in her rent apartment, with no steady career, no well built relationship and apparently no big future because of her stupid actions. She looks stricken and needs to take a deep breath a few times before everything that was on her mind starts verbalizing and breaks down on Neil.

“I’m scared of ending up like her... Drinking too much, fucking around, getting pregnant... it’s all her style and I hate myself for letting it happen,” she bursts and then notices the fear building in his eyes. “Letting ‘me doing things my mom did’ kinda thing happen,” she clarifies, trying to hold her tears in the glassy eyes. “I don’t regret having Aurora. Never,” she sobs on her own words, frowning and brushing off small watery drops from her cheeks before they could fall down her face. “But it feels like I already failed her. I don’t know what I’m doing and if I’m doing it right or how to manage my own life and make Aurora’s life easy. And I can’t do anything about her disease, just waiting for the doctors to cure her. I just... I wanna do everything I can to make her okay, but I don’t know what exactly I should do. I’m scared to ruin her life because of how messy my own is.”

Melendez takes her hand in his after a few moments of processing her hurtful thoughts she shared with him eventually, “You know why you’ll never be your mother?” He asks, getting a confused look of her fearful eyes. “You’re aware of things that might go wrong and you want to prevent it no matter what. That’s what great parents do. And I have no doubt you are one of them,” he strokes her palm tenderly, feeling her shiver under his touch. “Your compassion... your commitment... your love... It’s the most important things she needs, and you give them without even noticing that,” the small tilt of his head and this caring gaze of his warm dark eyes makes her lean into his embrace, still holding her baby’s hand.

“You’re telling all of this because you’re biased against me. It’s yours baby, too, after all,” she sighs, sobbing, but there’re some amusing hints in her delightful voice.

“I’m never biased,” he tries to assure her, but she only looks at him with fun sparkling in her still watery eyes. “Maybe I’m a little biased,” the smile grows on his face as she lifts her chin a little and chuckles softly, enjoying her small win. “But I’m pretty sure that being a good mother is in your nature,” he wraps his arm around her, hearing her loud exhale. “There’s a lot to learn about parenting things and it’s okay to not have all the answers right away and not know what we’re doing as long as we do what feels right for her. Still, it’s fine to make mistakes. That way we’re going to find out what actually is good for our baby girl.”

Neil suddenly leaves her side and approaches the doorway, only to close the curtain, and then gets back to Claire, who tries to hold back her yawning so hard but doesn’t succeed in this.

“Come on, Claire. You obviously need to rest,” he lifts her blanket, inviting her to slip under it and she agrees to the offer, firstly leaning to still sleeping Aurora and leaving a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll sit here, don’t worry. And, let’s move it closer, yeah?”

Neil pushes the crib to her bed closely and notices that Aurora starts shifting a little and then waking up with growing cries. Noticing that Claire moves toward her girl immediately, he takes her in his arms carefully to not undo her wires that lead to the monitor and get back on the side of Claire’s bed, cradling Aurora slowly to sleep. But she definitely has other plans, keeping crying her hearts out. And just leaving her in the crib, vulnerable and so confused because everything is strange around her and those wires keep curling around her, it’s just scary. Both Neil and Claire can feel it and rush to hold her finally and make sure she feels protected by them again and calm down.

“She’s hungry I think,” Claire holds out her hands to take the baby. “C’mere, love,” she whispers to her girl, whose little palms are trying to find her breasts, and she opens her hospital gown quickly, helping her baby to latch. “We have time before the procedure, right? Which time did they schedule it?”

Neil checks his watch only for a second and returns his soft gaze to her again, “In about four hours. I guess, it’s her last feeding before the surgery,” he says, reminding the rules, and she nods simply, stroking her baby’s small dark curls on the head and her back gently.

It lasts only for ten minutes and then Aurora head leans back and rests on Claire’s arm as her barely open eyes close fully and she’s trying to catch up on more sleep, having this newborn quick tiredness in her and not so much strength to resist a beautiful, safe and warm sleepy time in her mama’s arms. And the fact that her baby’s appetite is low, and now Claire is aware she’s not eating well, it only makes her even more nervous about Aurora’s state and that feeling is passing to the tiny bundle in her arms. But as Claire realizes it, she places her a little higher, upright, placing some paper towels under her head and gently pats her back for the baby to burp, then cleaning her lips, removing dirty paper towels and holding her tightly again. Stroking her back a little, she starts to mumble some melodies, trying to get back the peace again, and notices that the baby's small whispers against her chest decrease with every minute.

“See, you just know what to do on some level. It’s amazing,” the awe on his face, admiration in his eyes, and his heated hand, laying over the blanket just above her knees, melt her heart. “You are amazing,” he says, barely audible, but she hears him anyway and smiles shyly, reaching for his hand to give it a squeeze. “You could lay her beside you on the bed if you don’t want to let her go while you’re sleeping,” his thumb caresses Claire’s soft and a little cold hand as he glances at the monitor and then hears her stomach growling. “Or maybe you could eat something first?”

Claire thinks only for a moment and then realizes how hungry she actually is, even though she had an oatmeal with some fruits early in the morning, now the fatigue is only getting stronger because of the stress and her skipping lunch. Giving a small nod to Neil, she runs her hand up from his palm to his bare forearm slowly and strokes it with her fingers gently, enjoying the warmth and strength of his arm and smiling gratefully to him.

“Only if you’ll be my late-lunch buddy.”

Neil chuckles, mirroring her smile, and rests his hand over hers and then softly touches the baby’s head, as all the feelings expand his heart and make it beats rapidly with fondness for Claire, having so much care for him in her heart and showing it so carefully with her words and touches. It gets him. She gets him, that’s what it is. And it feels like the simplest and the most right thing to live with.

“Any preferences?” He adjusts his rolled sleeves a little higher, above his elbows, looking for his jacket to get a wallet.

“Just grab me some real food, Melendez,” she almost rolls her eyes as he laughs at the distinct way she said his last name.

Neil quickly puts the wallet in the pocket of his pants. But before leaving, he leans to kiss her temple, making a mental note that it’s definitely something he couldn’t resist, and then strokes Aurora’s cheek, who curls up and looks even more squishy and chubby, and yet so small in Claire’s secure embrace. It takes all his strength to go out the ward and leave them again, but it’s necessary, and it’s better to grab something at the cafeteria now, when there’s plenty of time before the surgery, and then get back to them quickly, knowing they both are there.

Suddenly, he realizes that a fog of critical situation and anxiety made him blind to notice how the hospital staff was studying him, some whispering behind his back, but most of them were just throwing empathetic looks at him, feeling for him and the circumstances that changed his life. On his long way through corridors and halls of St. Bonaventure, it seems like there’s no one who doesn’t know about the baby and her state, and of course, about not so unexpected, yet a little surprising revealed relationship with Claire and him being a father of her baby. It feels like he’s exposed and not because now everybody knows about his personal relationship with Claire – being honest with himself, he always has an issue with hiding his love life and it never bothers him too much, like why can’t people know who makes him feel head over heels in love? But now he just reaches some other point in the relationship, when there’s not only his beloved woman, who’s his inferior, may suffer because of others’ wrong judgment, but also their tiny girl is in danger. And maybe leaving all of these changes in their life under cover would be safer for them both, Claire and Aurora. For some more time, at least.

But now it doesn’t matter already; people know, and he just has to deal with it and accept the reality of this. There’re a few next days that he took off, so maybe this small time allows them to start navigating the things that were so new, but already changed all the parts of their lives, without anyone’s intruding. And still, they kind of let everybody in their personal life make decisions to get help for their baby in the place they know better than anything else, from people they trust more than anyone else.

“Melendez,” Neil hears Marcus Andrews approach him at the cafeteria as he tries to choose something tasty and nutritious for Claire and himself. “I guess, congratulations are in order. Though, sorry to hear about your baby’s diagnosis,” he stands beside him, grabbing a smoothie.

“Yeah, thanks, Marcus,” Neil says with his heart heavy.

Andrews leans a little closer, starting speaking less audibly, “They are gonna have more questions about when and in what circumstances you got together. And I feel like there's a lot of things that could be compromising for both of your careers. Because they might get the impression that either you took advantage of her as the superior or she used you to achieve her own goals,” he makes Neil frown, but before he could object to him, Marcus rushes to explain himself. “And both those assumptions are ridiculous, if you ask me.”

“I don’t get it, Marcus. You want to insult me here or help me? Because your speech doesn’t make any sense right now,” Melendez sighs, finally grabbing chicken soup and sandwiches for Claire and himself and taking some money out of the wallet.

“I wanna help, of course,” he cocks his head, interrupted by Neil asking a cafeteria lady for two cups of green tea.

Taking the tray, Neil is followed by Marcus to the stairwell, waiting for their conversation to continue, and Melendez finally responds harshly, “I have some more important problems to solve right now. And Claire isn’t going to return to the hospital in the next twelve weeks anyway, so I’m not her boss and she’s not my resident for awhile. Other things, I don’t care.”

“Okay, I get it. But there’s my advice, talk to Lim and Glassman first, explain yourselves and tell the whole story. Well, maybe skip some too personal details,” he smirks. “The main thing, focus on your feelings, that it had just unfolded over time in your friendship and you both couldn’t deny it, but then realized how it might look, got scared and backed off. I’m sure they'll understand you and defend your relationship in an interview with HR and the board.”

Neil looks incredulously at him, “How do you even know what exactly was going on with me and Claire?”

“I have eyes, Neil. I was a president of this hospital, I can see through any of you. And I have known you for a long time. Melendez in love is the easiest thing to notice, all smiling, even-tempered, less full of himself. But rejected Melendez in love is a whole different story; tense and annoyed at everything and everyone, all concentrated on the bad things about himself and the situation,” Marcus takes a sip of his smoothie, noticing amusement and something like small embarrassment, hidden under his arrogant grin. “And Browne, even though she’s an oversharer, she doesn’t really like to talk about her love life, but her cold distant attitude, attempts to lose herself in work and those pity glances at you every now and again are saying everything.”

Neil shakes his head at this quiet precise description of both of them, as they walk through the stairwell to the elevator.

“Okay, maybe you’re right,” smiling lightly, he says. “Anyway, all of this... is too complicated. And I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to Audrey or Glassman. My previous open relationships with coworkers didn’t go really well, if you remember. But now, me and Claire, we might lose a lot more...”

“That’s why I recommend you to talk to Lim and Glassman first and get their support. But before that, I guess there’s a lot of things you and Claire have to discuss with each other, if you still haven’t yet,” he gets a nod from Neil as the elevator doors open. “And so you know, you already got my full support. Better seeing you happy than miserable.”

Melendez sighs a little tiredly, but smiles gratefully to Andrews, “Thank you. And your advice is not that bad, but there’s a lot to think of and discuss the best way to tell everyone with Claire,” tightly holding the tray with his hands, he gets into the elevator and nods again to Marcus, seeing his polite smile before the elevator doors closing.

After that sudden and honest conversation with Marcus Andrews of all people, Neil feels slightly better about the things they’re going to get through in the near future. He just hopes to save the spirit he get after that talk and bring it to the discussion with Audrey and Aaron, when the time comes.

Neil slips through the side of the curtain, closing the ward, and meets Claire’s tired green eyes immediately, noticing the baby still on her chest, sleeping in her careful embrace peacefully. The rate of Aurora’s heartbeat is a little higher now, and, giving to the anxiety in Claire’s eyes, he approaches them quickly, knowing that there’s not much they can do to change anything now.

Leaving the tray on the bedside table, Melendez lightly “We have... still a few hours before her surgery. It’s okay, Claire.”

He leans closer, softly examining the baby’s chest as Claire shifts her tiny body in arms a little to make him more room, but keeps her closer, letting her sleep. Aurora’s skin looks slightly paler, and he just hates the fact that they have no other options but waiting. He needs to remind himself that they’re not doctors here, just parents.

“Let’s put Aurora in the crib for a bit, so we could eat,” he offers and slides to the side of her bed opposite her, waiting for her answer patiently and stroking her knee lightly. “Her mama needs her strength, and some good meal could help with that,” a soft smile appears on his face, as his eyes locks to hers, suddenly changing its mood a little.

“It becomes a lot more real when you call me ‘mama’,” her hand lingers on his shoulder. “But I like both, the sound and the reality of it,” she clarifies, making him silently sigh with relief.

The baby is moved to his arms gently, but instead of putting her in the crib, Neil finds his peace again, with her warmth next to his chest, her soft breath, her whole presence that keeps him feeling like all the walls around him ruined and made him free to move into something new and exciting, but so scary. 

“You can start eating, Claire,” he smiles softly, seeing the same peace and tenderness in her eyes that fill his heart to overflowing with almost unbearable but so long awaited love for Claire and their baby.

“I thought you’re gonna eat with me,” she says, amused and pleased with Neil’s expression at the same time. “Okay, I know she’s just irresistible and so huggable. But, hey, we both have to have lunch finally. And she’d be just fine in her crib for half an hour or so.”

Neil chuckles lightly, trying not to wake Aurora, and continues their whisper-talk, “Who’s talking, huh? You just spent so much time holding her and I can’t even take my share of this cutie’s hug?”

Claire only rolls her eyes and after a few minutes of him enjoying the baby’s pleasant weight in his arms, Neil kisses her and slowly puts her down in the crib, waiting a few moments to know that she’s alright with that change and it’s okay for her to keep her asleep.

“I didn’t know I was that hungry,” Claire wonders, already finishing with her soup and starting on the sandwich. “Oh, there's so much cheese, thank God,” the satisfaction on her a bit more lit face amuses Neil, and he can’t hold back a small scoff, still being all muted along with Claire to not interrupt Aurora’s rest. “What are you laughing at? Just try it, that’s delicious and perfect with all the cheese,” she brings a piece of her sandwich to his mouth and lifts her eyebrows, noticing him cocking his head, but he quickly gives up and lets her feed him like this, only with a bite. “See?”

“Nah, your love for it is a little exaggerated,” Neil concludes and makes another chuckle, seeing her dramatically offended gaze. “And at times like this, I’m not sure if you could ever love something else more than cheese,” he smiles smugly, getting back to his own lunch.

She leans a little closer to him, whispering, “At times like this, it’s only about me and the cheese, sorry,” then shrugs.

Placing the empty bowl on the tray, he exhales, pretending to be offended and touching his chest with a hand, “Now, that hurts,” but stopping from grinning to her it’s just way over his power. He just wants to be her lunch buddy forever. And all the other meals’ buddy, too. “I guess, on our first official date I’m gonna need cheese instead of flowers to impress you, huh?” 

“That would be nice,” she says too seriously to this kind of conversation, letting her hand rest against his forearm and feeling his pleasant warmth in such a short distance. “I mean, the date,” she clarifies, scoffing lightly. “Our first official date,” she repeats, mostly to herself, but the soft sound of her voice makes him lean down to her and brush his lips on her cheek.

“Can’t wait,” he whispers just next to her ear, closing his eyes and resting his cheek against hers for a few more moments, as she’s overwhelmed with the heartwarming sensation of his words.

They just stay like that, hearing their heartbeats and the blood running in their ears, but the feeling of being close like this and supporting each other silently is everything they need right now. Neil kisses her hair and then slightly opened lips just for a second, knowing that better leave it for now and wait for a more stressful time in their life to make it all passionate and as long as they want it to be. Right now, them staying by each other's sides is more than enough and just small touches along with loving gazes is just the best thing that keeps them sane at the time.

“I get dishes back to the cafeteria,” looking into her green eyes, filled with affection by him, with dilated pupils, Neil brings her hand to his lips, making her blush with this touch. “Be right back,” he says, leaving her and the baby alone again.

Noticing Aurora starts waking up and shifting slightly in her crib, Claire puts her bare legs down from the edge of her bed and sits there, leaning to the baby over the railing and smiling calmingly to her. She strokes the side of her face carefully and then her tiny yet so squishy form, enjoying her gratifying warmth under her hand. Her little hand finds her mama’s big one and rests against it, as Claire leans down to kiss both her cheeks and her arm, carefully touching it with her fingers and still feeling afraid of accidentally doing something to her seemingly so fragile baby body.

But the peace of this small moment is interrupted after a while. Of all the doctors who could come to Claire and Aurora, there’s Morgan who walks in the ward, glaring at her with unreadable emotion that makes her only shiver a bit, “I need to take the baby’s vitals,” she approaches the crib, seeing Claire’s nod.

“Fine,” she rests one of her hands against the top of the railing and the other on Aurora’s palm, calming her as Morgan starts the check up.

She carefully listens to the baby’s heart beat, frowning lightly, but then finishing the exam quickly and stating, “The surgery is in an hour, Dr. Bianchi will come later with Shaun and Park to prep the patient.”

Claire already wants to leave everything it is for the better time, but words slip through her lips per se, “Morgan, are you mad at me or something?”

Morgan clasp her hands, almost making Claire feel small under her haughty gaze.

“No. But now I know that Melendez was in your long list of one night hookups,” she lifts one of her eyebrows, looking at Claire and puts the stethoscope around the back of her neck. “And you lied to everyone about being totally appropriate with your boss and so platonic friend,” she rolls her eyes. “You don’t deserve him. I thought you could do better than keeping a man around by sharing an accidental baby.”

Morgan’s focused on the baby again, hiding her frustration in a mere seconds, as Claire just sits on the edge of her bed, confused, offended and embarrassed, all at once, struggling and still processing on the inside, and she doesn’t care if it shows on her face. But when she finally gets all her strength and finds some words for Morgan in response, the sound she hears makes her stricken.

“She’s tachycardic. Page Dr. Bianchi, we need an available OR, stat,” Morgan calls for a nurse and everything around suddenly becomes a mess, where Claire just can’t even take a breath properly, still trying to realize what’s going on and what she could do to make it just end. A couple of nurses rushes to the ward, pushes meds through baby’s IV and, after her rate starts getting back to normal, one of them carefully puts the baby girl in the bassinet to take to the OR.

“Aurora...” It’s the only sound, barely audible in the turmoil of the ward, Claire can make, feeling a strong hand around her shoulders that keeps from moving into the epicenter of something that feels like catastrophe.

Melendez appears in that exact moment, feeling the blood running through his whole body and his heart skipping a beat, “What’s going on?” He blurts out, trying to put together everything he sees, but the fact that it’s his daughter makes it hard to keep thinking straight as he tries to help immediately with everything that's going on here. Though, Morgan quickly stands between him and the bassinet, getting his attention, and explains why he should stop doing that with sudden light notes of empathy in her voice, putting all her effort into it, still being in her cold doctor mode. And his hands come down in lack of his ability to think clearly and unbiasedly.

Reznick glances at Claire once again with the same frightened expression that is in her face, opening her mouth to find better words, but she can’t and before she and appeared quickly Dr. Bianchi takes the baby away. Morgan gives Claire another look and exhales, “We’ll take care of her.”

Because in that exact moment, all this squabbling between them is nothing compared to the fear they all get from the situation. Processing everything takes a lot more time than a minute, as the ringing silence replaces the crisis in Claire’s ward, leaving her and Neil standing next to the hospital crib of their baby. But now it’s empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think about this chapter? I would love to read any comments and hear any thoughts on the story:)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry it took me that long to post an update, but here it is and I hope you’ll like it:)
> 
> I don’t really have time for writing right now, but I will try my best to finish next chapter sooner than this one. And thanks everyone who kept waiting and leaving comments, it’s so nice of you💗💗
> 
> Also, now I’m rewatching the show. It was just so good until they screwed it up, and Neil Melendez was a perfect character, even when he dated Jessica or Lim, or was just alone (though, I still think that him and Claire together are endgame), he was amazing. And it was so nice to watch his character developed with every new scene. I miss it, really.

His fingers feel her hand, squeeze a blanket, and run over her white knuckles, trying to comfort her and find comfort in that small gesture. He keeps looking at her, scared that he would miss any sign of her giving in all the frightening feelings she has in her heavy heart, the same feelings that tear his own heart apart every second the thought of their baby opened on the operating table comes to his mind. The warmth of her skin makes him stay sane despite the pain that he is incapable of changing anything and doing something to help. And he hates it.

He hates being full of knowledge and still not able to use it. His hands, that could navigate inside of a human body even without him looking into it and doing his best anyway, saving a person, can’t find its place and it all just doesn’t make sense now. Neil can feel his fingers itching to do something. Something that could help someone.

And having her hand in his, he’s helping in some way. At least, he wants to believe he is.

She’s been shivering for the past hours and he couldn’t do much about it, but just keep holding her palm and make sure she knows she’s not alone in this. Even though an exhaustion is rising with every new minute, they both can’t close their eyes with the unsettling and hitting feelings of the growing tension and uneasiness of endless waiting. Claire’s a bit watery green eyes, that already let out so much tears and can’t produce enough to run down her pale face again, look into his brown eyes, that have this worried yet soothing gaze.

“Neil...”

“Yes? Do you need anything?” He rushes with questions, straightening his back in willingness to do whatever she asks him to.

“No, no,” her hand squeezed his hand reassuringly and her other hand lingers on top of their tangled fingers before she sighs. “I... I want you to know that it’s not like you have to stay with me because of Aurora...”

He exhales loudly and rushes to explain himself, “Of course I know that, but I just...”

She quickly shakes her head and covers his lips with her palm barely touching him, but he feels the softness of it anyway and suddenly gives up to say anything, listening to her, “Let me say first,” his nod makes her hand go off his mouth and lay across her middle. “You wanted to have kids so much, I’m well aware of it. And I’m sure you’re not gonna leave her anyway. But staying there for her doesn’t mean you have to stay with me, too. I’m not expecting anything from you and you don’t owe me anything or whatever,” she tries to pull her other hand out of his grip, but he quickly catches it with his other palm and keeps it between his hands, stroking her skin tenderly and making her shiver under his touches.

“Hey,” he frowns and allows himself to lean forward a little more, gently running his thumb up and down her cheek. “We’re together in this, aren’t we? Why all the uncertainty?” His heart skips a beat as the thought of her backing off again is caused by a simple thing... “You don’t want to be with me, do you?” He sighs, realizing how hard it is not to hear anything except for her soft breath.

But then she shakes her head quickly, exhaling soundly at his very unwise assumption, “I do. I really do want to be with you.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s just... It happened so quickly, but we have come a long way. It’s been... what? Almost a year since we have started our friendship, but then everything gets so messy, mostly because of me,” she purses her lips, reaching for his fingers carefully and stroking them before talking again. “I don’t know where we are, Neil. It all was just so complicated with us jumping from one thing to another; friendship, accident sex, then friendship again, and neglecting each other after that, and then friendship once more, and now parenting and trying to build a romantic relationship...”

“I know, it’s huge and messed-up,” a soft exhale leaves her mouth as his words come to her senses. “Still, it feels great what we are trying to build right now. And you’re the only person I’m able to make through this hell of a roller coaster,” he looks at her with a small charming smile, that she’s seen already millions of times, and still can’t help but smile and cock her head to the side. “Claire, I’m all in. You know, why?”

“Can only imagine,” she chuckles sarcastically and rolls her eyes, making him break into soft laughs, too.

He loves this easy going nature of her and the way she feels relaxed enough to make fun of herself or him, or both of them for being such idiots, and laugh alongside him about even hard, serious things, viewing them a little less heavy.

He loves the adorable flush of her cheeks and the way her eyes beaming with a rare happiness that she gets into her life after all the sadness and unfairness of her whole being, especially as a child.

And that’s so simple, what he’s ready to say. So right and overwhelming.

“I...” he starts saying, but gets interrupted by a nurse coming to check on Claire.

“Dr. Browne, how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay. The surgery, how’s it going?”

“I don’t really know. But it’s been five hours already. I think soon enough your baby is gonna be here again,” she leans down a little closer, sympathetically smiling to the fearful woman laying on the hospital bed. “Don’t want to tell you ‘don’t worry’, can’t blame you for that. But try not to stress yourself out, okay?”

Claire sighs almost breathlessly and shrugs distractingly, “Can’t promise that.”

The nurse nods with understanding, “Your vitals are normal,” she’s already halfway out the door of Claire’s hospital ward when she suddenly turns around, holding charts tightly with both her hands. “It’s good that you’re not alone here. Having someone to support and be there for you always improves your state and increases a chance of good outcomes,” looking over at Neil, she smiles softly. “And giving to Dr. Melendez’... nature, he’ll ensure you follow up all the medical prescriptions, especially ones he knows are totally needed.”

Claire chuckles softly, nodding to the nurse and watching her go away.

“My nature? I’m sure it’s just some nurses and doctors chitchatting again,” he leans back in his chair with his hands resting on his laps.

“Of course, you’re sure,” Claire’s scoff makes him frown, but he remains his relaxed position in the chair.

“Hey, what do you mean?”

“You know, most of the time you’re just full of yourself and people picked up on it. It’s just your thing, everybody knows it.”

“You call me arrogant?” He asks and she shrugs at first, but then nods, trying to suppress her grin. “Well, I call it ‘confident’.”

“Wouldn’t dare to disillusion you.”

Noticing her pale brown skin covering in goosebumps, he gets up to help her slide a double blanket up over her body. She can feel his warm hands carefully handling the cover and helping her find comfort underneath it. All his motions are tender and attentive as he is with her, and this anxious gaze of his full of sorrow, tired eyes with a slight dark shadow under them that Claire’s sure she has too, makes her only feel more on edge. She’s ready to give in to her emotions again that blurred her mind with guilt and more stress about the state of her baby who has been in there for a long hours now with no concrete news about what’s going on in the OR.

The little talk carried away their minds only a bit, helped them to take a breath when everything just wind them up and tie their insides making it so hard to even feel enough air in their lungs. But now it just stressed them again, tightening hearts and souls with a feel of uselessness and... yes, guilt, that’s becoming stronger with every moment of not knowing when this, all of this ends.

Her fearful green eyes look into his tensed depth, when her lips part and the soft sound of her voice mixes with stable monitor beeping, “Lay with me for a while.”

“I don’t want to disturb you,” Neil strokes her palm that comes out from under cover.

“You won’t. Please, c’mere, Neil,” she moves a bit, making enough room for him to finally slide next to her and find comfort in his gentle embrace. “See, there’s plenty of space for both of us.”

“I was more worried about making you feel pain.”

She exhales shakily, hiding her face in the crook of his neck, and he feels tears start falling on his skin.

“Hey, Claire?” He says slowly, but she only tightens her grip on his body, not letting him move away even a bit and choking on every trying to put words together and out of her mouth to give him know what it is, but she just can’t; and she doesn't need to. “Oh, love... I know,” his lips place a lingering kiss on her temple, holding her closer and stroking soothingly her shaking with every tears body.

She’s hell of a tired as he is, but he can’t just sleep under all the pressure of not knowing what is going on in the OR with their baby and when is gonna be over. But Claire, who can’t stop crying almost the whole day and probably gets a headache along with her still weak and hurting after birth body, he so wants her to feel even slightly better and he’s sure maybe even a few minutes of sleep could help her. He keeps holding her, rubbing her back and shivering with her every tear that falls on his neck, feeling almost helpless. But her hands, that tightly squeezes his shirt, and her body that snuggles to him with so much hope and need in him to be there, he just can’t close his eyes on her in such a broken state. And he doesn’t. Just holds her with all the endless love he has in his heart for that amazing woman that finally can rely on him, can feel comfortable with him and trusts him so much to slowly find some rare peace after that long shot of her heartbreaking cry.

She doesn’t need him to tell anything, just holding her is more than enough. And he keeps her closer, safe in his arms, ensuring her that it’s okay to catch up on some sleep after all.

It’s been half an hour, she was already sleeping for awhile, when Neil notices Morgan appears in the doorway and already wants to get inside, but he signs her to meet him outside. His hands slowly stroke Claire’s back once more and his lips already find its way to her forehead, loosening her grip on his shirt with gentleness. Then, he carefully rolls her on her back and covers with blanket tightly for her to keep sleeping and not feeling too cold without him. At least right away, while he’ll speak to Reznick.

“How is she?” He asks, stepping outside the ward and closing a door gently.

“She’s stable for now. We just wanted to give you a heads up on what’s going on in there, so you may be less worried... Though, even I can’t imagine that,” Morgan’s pretty shaken herself, but tries to be less emotional about the whole situation.

“Yeah... But can you just tell me what is going on? Everything’s alright? Why so long?”

“Her aorta has a tiny segment with too thin walls, and we perforated it during surgery,” she explains, squeezing her own fingers, when his eyes grow angry and anxious. “We reacted quickly and already replaced that segment. Now they continue to work on the main thing, but it will take them another couple of hours.”

“I can’t believe it all wasn’t seen on the sonograms...” he runs his hand through his hair, stepping aside and trying to control his feelings.

“You know, that it happens. All these machines are great, but they still can’t take a full picture of what’s going on inside the body that grows inside of the other body,” she waits for him to nod and look at her again. “We’re lucky to have everything to repair her heart and make her close to completely healthy state.”

He nods again, placing his hands on his sides.

“Why did Bianchi send you here? It’d be more reasonable to make Lim go.”

“I asked him,” she exhales and looks at him with confidence and self-accusation. “It was my fault that Aurora’s aorta was perforated. I get distracted and... emotional.”

“You?” He can’t believe it at first. “What happened, Morgan?”

She looks around, seeing everyone busy with something else and not paying any attention to them, so she sits down on the bench and Neil follows her cautiously.

“I had that friend in med school who was dating a professor. They were quite careful and she didn’t tell anyone about anything that happened between them, even me. Well, she didn’t until she got pregnant. She wanted me to keep it a secret, and I thought it’s because of their positions and that he would get fired for sleeping with a student if everyone knows. You know, obviously,” she sighs as he still doesn’t get where she goes with that, because he was interested in the reason why she screwed up in the OR and doesn’t expect her to share some story that reminds him of his own story with Claire.

But he really wants to know how it ends, and maybe in the continuation would be an answer. So he just listens patiently.

“But the main reason was that my friend wasn’t really great with commitment. And she once told me that he’s amazing, caring and sweet, but she feels like she wasn’t ready to make big plans with him. She was scared of how everything turned out and wasn't sure he’s the one. I told her that if she feels that way and she’s unhappy with him, it’s better to let him go. Even though she’s pregnant, it’s not worth it to stay with him if he’s not the person she needed. But she was scared to end up alone, with a baby, who she kept because she just couldn’t kill it with abortion, and continued dating this professor without listening to me. It was so unfair to him... so unfair.”

“And? Did she dump him after all?”

“Oh, yes she did. She gave birth to a baby boy and stormed out the hospital that night, leaving her baby _and_ her boyfriend alone. She texted me to make him know that she’s not coming back. I never saw her again.”

“God, that’s awful. And what with the baby?”

“He’s just fine. His dad adores him, always puts new pictures of the little one on his Facebook page. And I saw them with a woman walking in the park just a year ago, they seemed totally happy.”

Melendez nods with satisfaction, but still has this confused look on his face.

“You think, Claire could run away?”

“I thought so when I first heard about you two today. I thought she’s using you, and all those flashbacks hit me,” she explains, leaning down with her elbows to her knees and glancing at him over her shoulder every now and then while thinking. “I thought it was unfair to you of all people, especially knowing how you feel about kids.”

He doesn't even want to argue about that very obvious point, but he starts feeling scared, second guessing himself and Claire, remembering their talk, that just happened a bit earlier.

“Don’t overthink yourself and don’t doubt Claire. I was wrong about her. She would never leave her child. Even her mom one way or another was in her life and didn’t just leave her the moment she was born, like my friend did with her son. And Claire is so much nicer and better than her mom.”

Giving her a confident look, Neil exhales and gazes away with a lot of thoughts floating on his mind, “Yes, she is,” he finally says. “You know, Morgan, sometimes we meet people that we feel like we know them because of our experience. But we better trust not only our guts, we just need to get to know those new people and trust what we see in their actions and what we hear between the lines when we talk to them. Everyone is different, and everyone is dealing with something. But we have to be patient and really learn more about them before drawing any conclusions,” he suddenly speaks with softness in his voice and Morgan watches him carefully. “And even when we’re happened to be wrong about people, it’s another chance to know them better through our own mistakes.”

Reznick chuckles ever so lightly, looking down at her hands, “I thought Claire is the only shrink here, but there you are,” she lifts her head to see him again. “Thank you. Also, I was a bitch to Claire, told her some things, I probably owe her an apology,” she sees him nodding understandingly. “And I’m really sorry I let my emotions get over me in the OR. I made a mistake and hurt your baby.”

“It’s good that you realize it,” he tries to support her and even though his heart badly aches for his daughter, he still doesn’t want to put any blame on his resident.

“It won’t happen again.”

He nods, “It better not,” he gets up to leave, but hears her saying.

“Thanks. I didn’t think I would need that talk,” she stands next to him, exhaling audibly.

“Get back in the OR, they still probably need an extra set of hands.”

With that said, Neil gets back in the ward, directly to Claire, curling up in her hospital bed under the couple of covers. He hesitates for a few seconds about whether he should lay down with her again or he would wake her up like that and it’s not worth it. But decides to carefully get comfortable next to her on the bed, wrapping his arms around her warmed body and softly drawing her closer to his chest. And as one of her hands finds its way around him and the other stays under the pillow, he knows it was the right decision.

“Where’ve you been?” She muffled against his chest, still in her sleep that she so needed with the amount of stress she get in the short time.

“It’s okay, I’m here now,” he kisses the crown of her head, knowing that he can’t close his eyes anyway, and she knows that too; but he doesn’t mind at all to keep an eye on her sleeping form, while they’re both waiting for the surgery to end.

Melendez’s sure she’s not walking on him and their baby. Never. That’s the only thing he can be so sure now. And maybe Claire would call it his arrogance again. But he’s just confident.

He doesn’t know what time it is, but it’s been dark for a long time now and it feels like a year since he talked to Morgan. But obviously, it was like a few hours or so. And Claire’s just starting waking up, when the glass door of her ward opens slowly along with the curtain. They both watch it carefully and notice doctors that were working on their baby walk in. And their hearts stop at the unreadable look on their face.

“Dr. Browne, Dr. Melendez,” Bianchi nods to them, holding a chart with both of his hands. “Surgery was a success, you don’t have to worry about anything,” he smiles softly to them as Claire with no care about what everyone thinks of them just hugs Neil tightly, exhaling sharply, and he kisses her temple, closing his eyes for a moment. “Dr. Lim was about to go here with us, but she’s requested to an emergency surgery, so she’ll come later to check on you two and Aurora.”

“Yeah, she’s still under anesthesia, but she should wake up any minute now. It’s no harm if we put her here then,” Park says, smiling to them and nodding to himself, as he sees his boss and his friend like that, openly embracing each other, happy and a lot more relaxed.

“Thank you. Thank you all,” Claire whispers to them, smiling shyly.

Neil says thankful words, too, still giving more attention to brightly smiling Claire.

“It was our pleasure,” Dr. Bianchi says, looking at them and then at Park, Murphy and Reznick, who stand next to him, all around the hospital bed. “Okay, we’ll give you some privacy. Come on, guys, we still have work to do.”

As everyone starts to move out, Neil notices Morgan hesitating, so he stands up, kissing Claire’s hand quickly, “Hey, I happened to know you two need to talk, so I’ll go check on Aurora, okay? See, if she’s ready to get here.”

Claire looks between him and Morgan, frowning, but noticing his warm expression, she decides to agree, “Of course, thank you,” she nods to him, and he slowly lets go of her hand and walks out the ward, leaving Claire and Morgan alone.

“I thought you already said what you wanted to say,” Claire looks at her with disappointment and not understanding, trying to find the answers in her eyes, that was suddenly full of regret.

And then, she finally starts talking, “Hey, I am sorry. I shouldn’t doubt you and Melendez. It’s not my business if you’re together, actually. For the moment, I thought you had used him just like the other guys you slept with through the tough times and that you two didn’t even care about how it would affect everything at work that you were stupid enough to make and then keep the baby. I thought how much you didn’t deserve a man like this. And I remembered of my friend who dated a professor, got pregnant and then left him with a baby and never came back. The situation with you and Melendez reminded me of this story, and I thought you’re gonna do the same.”

“That’s very nice of you to say,” Claire responds with a sarcastic grin, but Morgan doesn’t pay attention to it, continuing with her honest talk, afraid to forget the right words if she stops.

“But how you look at each other, it’s just... I realized you were not like my old friend, and you’re not treating Melendez like some one night stand or playing your games with him like it was with Jared,” she finally speaks, seeing Claire drawing eyebrows. “So, yes, it is very nice of me to say,” her chin’s up a little, her lips forming into a soft smile, as she stands and Claire chuckles a little nervously. “Oh, and congratulations. I always knew you two would make the cutest baby.”

“Always knew? You’re the one who filed a complaint against us and we were just friends at the time,” her eyebrows lift as she dares her to say something in that.

But Morgan just cocks her head to the side and sits next to her on the chair, “You know that I was trying to cover up my arthritis. Mostly. He did favor you and not just because he’d fallen for you, but also... you’re quite good at your work and he sees that and wants to praise you for you to keep reaching all the tops.”

“You just made a compliment to my work and humiliated me for Melendez’s appreciation at the same time. That’s so like you, Morgan,” Claire rolls her eyes, seeing Morgan having fun of that reaction of hers.

“You know I’m right,” she says, smugly smiling.

Claire only shrugs, chuckling and closing her eyes for a bit to let her mind slip to sweet thoughts of him, that she’s not used to, but they’re so pleasant, she doesn't want to ever think of him any other way.

“Well, maybe. But he appreciates all of you, too,” she says with a dare in her eyes, but Morgan already had a sneaky response, like she always does.

“Seems like in different ways,” she chuckles snidely, grinning at Claire’s startled reaction. “And Park knew before me? That’s what's really insulting,” she cocks her head like she always does with a bit of a circle-y move.

Claire only shakes her head slightly, “I didn’t tell him. He just happened to overhear us one day and then used his overprotective dad mode on me again,” she grimaces.

Morgan scoffs at that, “Then, you get your payback for not telling me the truth. And by the way, I had a feeling that it’s Melendez, but you were hiding so well that I let myself guess that maybe I was wrong,” she looks away for a moment, then at Claire’s beeping monitor with stable numbers and sighs satisfyingly. “I’m glad your baby is okay, even though I screwed up a little in the OR for which I’m really sorry. I damaged her aorta, but we replaced it really quickly. Just thought that you should know about that.”

“I’m just happy that she’s okay after all. But thanks for telling me.”

“I’m also glad that you’re fine, too,” she squeezes a railing of the end of Claire’s bed, still not quite used to the way she really cares about other people, but she can consider her as a friend, so it should be okay to worry. But still, it feels a little odd, for both of them.

“Yeah, thank you,” she simply nods and then smiles softly at the view of Neil with the glass bassinet and a baby in it. Their baby.

“I think it’s really nice for her recovery if she’d stay with her parents,” Murphy comes in and helps to get her back to the crib where Aurora’s rested before they get her to the emergency surgery.

“We all think that, too, Shaun,” Morgan nods to him and gets closer to help with all the wires, so they could see the baby’s numbers on the other monitor. “She’s stable,” Morgan states, hearing now a couple of beeping heartsounds.

Bianchi appears last, but starts talking immediately, looking at the baby’s chart and giving recommendations, “Breastfeeding is totally fine in the next few hours. I think she’d like you to hold her after such a frightening experience, it’s good, too, but be careful. For the next couple of weeks you shouldn’t let her lay down on her belly. And a full recovery takes her about 6-8 weeks. We’ll be giving her meds to relieve the pain for the next 48 hours.”

“And when we can take her home?” Neil asks, carefully holding her little hand.

“We’ll monitor her for two days, and then we can discharge you both,” Bianchi looks over at Claire and then Aurora, “if she’s gonna be recovering just fine. And I’m sure about that,” he continues and checks up the little girl’s chest and then listens to it with a stethoscope. “For now, it’s all good, but if you notice something, please, let me know immediately.”

“Okay, thank you,” Melendez nods to the doctor and shakes his hand.

When Bianchi’s phone paged, he makes sure that everything’s alright and then leaves them. Morgan takes Aurora’s chart from the bedside table to fill in and then walks out as well, giving them a small smile and a nod.

Neil leans down to his baby, finally safe after surgery, but seem confused and lost already, so he takes her, whimpering and turning red slowly with all the emotions of this sudden meeting with a person she already saw before and loves his big caring hands that held her just right before and now carefully embrace her again, “Hey, let’s get you to mama,” he whispers softly, lulling her in his arms a bit, before sitting on the edge of Claire’s bed and placing the baby in her arms. “There you go.”

Claire’s forehead meets with the baby’s and the she kisses a frail-y soft skin of her face, stroking her head soothingly.

“She’s lucky to have you both as her parents. You’re caring and loving people. I wish my parents were the same,” they suddenly hears Shaun saying; they completely forgot he’s still in here, just next to the doorway, ready to leave, watching them with his curious gaze of these big brown eyes. But before they could respond to him, Murphy just walks out, leaving them with those bittersweet thoughts.

Aurora’s hands lightly grips on her mother’s gown, as the tiny girl starts snuggling more to Claire’s chest, finally feeling that she’s safe and loved again. For Claire, it’s like a miracle. She can’t believe it’s all over and there’s her baby, who needs all the warmth and care she could give her. So Claire does, holding her closer, but careful, feeling like her heart would burst into pieces with all the emotions she has in the deepest soul right now. She just can’t take her eyes off this very real human being in her arms, who starts calming down slowly and wants only to be with her mama and papa for as long as she could.

“There’s still enough space for you, Neil,” Claire nods to the empty side of her bed, and that’s enough for him to get there in a few seconds.

Now it’s him, who sighs with noticeable shaking, “I’m so relieved you both are fine now,” he leans with his forehead to the side of Claire’s head, wrapping his arms around both of his girls.

And being there, in the middle of the night, with both of them in his arms, it’s what he ever needed, “I love you, Claire. God, how much I love you both,” he whispers, leaving kisses on Claire’s cheek and then on falling asleep baby,” his hand helps Claire holding the baby.

She clings to his chest, tightly gripping his upper arm with her fingers and kissing him softly. Passionately giving in the sweet touches of his lips, feeling all the fears slowly goes away with every tender move of them, hoping to give each other know about all the heartwarming feeling they both were locking inside for so long and now just freed them, they holding onto each other and the baby, in the almost dark room, with the moonlight hovering all over the space and audibly mere beeping of the monitors hearing in the ward.

“We actually were dating on and off for a long time already,” she says carefully, suddenly realizing how long they’ve been hiding their feelings for each other and it was unnecessary waste of time actually, because now, holding their baby after a long dangerous surgery that was a success to their relief, she can’t stop thinking about the only thing that means so much more than anything else in the world.

Love.

Loving someone and being loved all by that person is something that fulfills this life and can change it for good.

Neil chuckles softly, “Yes, we were,” he strokes her arm, sharing a happy gaze with her. “I’d like to date you for real, though. You know, keep doing fun things together with no worry about what other thinks, but now that we both are aware of what’s going on here. And I guess, we need to schedule everything with this squishy little lady, right?” He leans down to face Aurora and places a kiss on her forehead, hearing her small whines and scoffing at her reaction.

“She’s gonna be a tough one to agree to our plans,” Claire cocks her head a little.

“She has her Browne genes that definitely will fall under my charms,” Neil leans a little closer to her, making Claire scoff at that satisfied look on his childishly smiling face.

“You’re so sure of yourself,” she says.

He only shrugs, “Can’t blame a guy for his natural confidence.”

Claire only chuckles at his grinning face.

“Well, you fell for it, so it works,” he shrugs, still smiling at her.

“I love you,” Claire says against his mouth, feeling him smiling at that, and steals another long kiss from his loving lips. “We’re gonna be alright, yeah? I don’t care about them anymore,” she nods to the doorway slowly and meets his warm brown eyes once more, that watches her with all the fondness he has in his heart for that unbelievable woman.

“I care about you two, and everything else... Well, we had a baby already, what are they gonna do? It’s pretty serious,” he whispers, trying not to wake up a peacefully snoring Aurora in their arms.

Claire only chuckles barely audible and can’t help but kiss him once more, “It is serious.”

And he finally exhales, closing his eyes at the sound of that from her. Knowing that they are on the same page finally is making him weak and strong at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to know what you think about this chapter! If you have a couple of words to say, please, just leave a comment, I would really appreciate it:)


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